With the wrap up of the Olympics for another few years, I thought I'd pitch my idea for some Olympic events, specifically for parents.
How many events would you enter? What are you the best at?
Event 1 - The Floor Routine: Participants are put in an enclosed ring with 100 tiny Lego pieces, 100 Rice Crispies, 20 Marbles, 10 dust bunnies and an eleven-month-old. Clean the floor in the fastest time to win. Points are deducted if the baby eats some cereal. Disqualification occurs if the baby obtains any of the other items.
Event 2 - The Multi Task: Participants must make their way through a course of randomly placed Duplo bricks, while holding an overflowing laundry basket, talking with phone tucked under one ear, and balancing the smoothie you just made on top of the laundry basket. Points are deducted for each stumble. Disqualification occurs if you drop anything. The stairs in the last leg of the course have brought down many-a professional.
Event 3 - The Stress Test: Participants are placed in an enclosed room with a dog, a two year old who is an hour overdue for a nap, a six-month old, and one broken toy. Whoever lasts longest without losing their mind wins.
Event 4 - The Biathlon: Participants jog on track with jogging stroller. At each check point participant must stop, change baby's diaper, and toss diaper into appropriate receptacle. A missed shot results in a one minute penalty added to their time.
Event 5 - Backwards Day: Participants bend to the whims of a 5 year old through a backwards obstacle course. Participants must successfully build a Lego set with the instructions upside-down, crawl backwards through a fabric play tunnel, run backwards through a series of hula hoops, and sing any nursery rhyme backwards that the child comes up with. Points deducted for hesitation or inaccuracy.
Event 6 - Silence: Participants are faced with a hallway rigged with laser alarms. Crossing a laser will sound an alarm and wake the baby, resulting in disqualification. Maneuver the hallway as quickly and accurately as you can. Follow up events require you to be holding either a bowl of cereal or glass of wine. Lose points for spilling, disqualified for sounding alarm.
Event 7 - Strategical Lifting: Unload a car load of groceries, diaper bag, sleeping eight-month-old, and bag of new baby clothes in one trip. Points deducted if baby wakes up before you make it to the house. Disqualification if you drop anything.
Event 8 - Wrestling: Change a dirty diaper on a mobile toddler in the fastest time. Points deducted for diaper contents spilled. Disqualification if toddler escapes the arena unchanged.
Event 9 - The Dash: Participants are handed a container filled with contents resembling vomit, set to explode on a timer. Proceed to dash through hurdles course and land container safely in designated area before contents erupt.
Event 10 - Triathlon: Participants engage in a grueling bed-time routine. First leg of the race is bath time where child kicks/splashes/plays/screams while participants try not to get soap in their eyes. When the baby is dried and dressed they proceed to the second leg of the race, which is the bicycle portion. Ride around track with baby in bicycle car seat until baby falls asleep before proceeding to last leg of the race. Once baby is asleep, remove baby from bicycle car seat and speed walk to the finish line without the baby waking up.
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Friday, March 21, 2014
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Hi, I'm 5. (Also 100th post!)
Hi there. I'm a 5 year old.
You know that food I've liked since the day I could eat and ask for all the time and can't get enough of? Yeah, well I don't like it anymore.
Also, I don't care how much cocoa powder you put in the smoothie, it only tastes good when sipped through a green straw.
I used to like helping you in the kitchen? Oh, well, I will I guess... If there are chocolate chips involved.
Contrary to your belief, NOBODY writes in lower case letters anymore, and the letter 'E' does indeed have six lines protruding from it. You just don't know anything.
That Hotwheels car I just got? I can't find it. I was only playing with it RIGHT HERE and NOWHERE ELSE, and now it's GONE. Oh...yeah that's it, I thought something felt funny under my leg.
Speaking of cars, we're going to make one today ok? I have plans right here. We just need some metal and wood and stuff from the attic. Maybe some string.
Go Outside???!! I don't care that I wanted to 5 minutes ago, THAT WAS BEFORE YOU PUT MY SOCKS ON THE WRONG FEET!
Go Inside???!!?? Frostbite is a myth, get your facts straight, mom.
I don't believe you when you say that I used to love washing my hands and playing in the sink. Sink water is like snake venom and soap is like acid and I will not use either, and I'm pretty sure you're just making up these 'germ' things you keep speaking of.
Yes, I'll absolutely turn the TV off after this next show... Oh wait, I meant this one... Awwww I forgot this was on today!...Ok ok for sure after this....one.....um.... can I have a snack?
OH YEAH, I have the FUNNIEST joke ever for you... ok, Knock knock (who's there) Lamp (Lamp who?) PFFFFTTT not LAAAAMP, I said SLAAAMMMMPPP. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok ok, here's another one...
I don't know why I went through a phase of only wearing button-up shirts. You shouldn't have let yourself get over-excited, because now I hate them, and I'm pretty sure this t-shirt looks way better than anything I own to wear to that wedding in the spring.
I CAN DO THINGS MYSELF. GO AWAY. DON'T HELP ME. I CAN'T DO THIS. I NEED HELP.
Yeah I like bedtime because I like books and cuddling, but some nights I'm pretty sure that my bed is a portal to the underworld and if I don't stay up for several more hours screaming that I'm not done playing yet, I'm going to get sucked into the evil vortex of sleep.
Yes I like bubble baths. No you may not wash my hair. Yes I enjoy repeatedly dumping this bucket of water on my head.
There's a thing crawling on the other side of the room and I can't go in that room at ALL until you go catch the horrible crawly thing, but please don't hurt him, he's so cute, can we name him and keep him in a jar as a pet?
You know that food I've liked since the day I could eat and ask for all the time and can't get enough of? Yeah, well I don't like it anymore.
Also, I don't care how much cocoa powder you put in the smoothie, it only tastes good when sipped through a green straw.
I used to like helping you in the kitchen? Oh, well, I will I guess... If there are chocolate chips involved.
Contrary to your belief, NOBODY writes in lower case letters anymore, and the letter 'E' does indeed have six lines protruding from it. You just don't know anything.
That Hotwheels car I just got? I can't find it. I was only playing with it RIGHT HERE and NOWHERE ELSE, and now it's GONE. Oh...yeah that's it, I thought something felt funny under my leg.
Speaking of cars, we're going to make one today ok? I have plans right here. We just need some metal and wood and stuff from the attic. Maybe some string.
Go Outside???!! I don't care that I wanted to 5 minutes ago, THAT WAS BEFORE YOU PUT MY SOCKS ON THE WRONG FEET!
Go Inside???!!?? Frostbite is a myth, get your facts straight, mom.
I don't believe you when you say that I used to love washing my hands and playing in the sink. Sink water is like snake venom and soap is like acid and I will not use either, and I'm pretty sure you're just making up these 'germ' things you keep speaking of.
Yes, I'll absolutely turn the TV off after this next show... Oh wait, I meant this one... Awwww I forgot this was on today!...Ok ok for sure after this....one.....um.... can I have a snack?
OH YEAH, I have the FUNNIEST joke ever for you... ok, Knock knock (who's there) Lamp (Lamp who?) PFFFFTTT not LAAAAMP, I said SLAAAMMMMPPP. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok ok, here's another one...
I don't know why I went through a phase of only wearing button-up shirts. You shouldn't have let yourself get over-excited, because now I hate them, and I'm pretty sure this t-shirt looks way better than anything I own to wear to that wedding in the spring.
I CAN DO THINGS MYSELF. GO AWAY. DON'T HELP ME. I CAN'T DO THIS. I NEED HELP.
Yeah I like bedtime because I like books and cuddling, but some nights I'm pretty sure that my bed is a portal to the underworld and if I don't stay up for several more hours screaming that I'm not done playing yet, I'm going to get sucked into the evil vortex of sleep.
Yes I like bubble baths. No you may not wash my hair. Yes I enjoy repeatedly dumping this bucket of water on my head.
There's a thing crawling on the other side of the room and I can't go in that room at ALL until you go catch the horrible crawly thing, but please don't hurt him, he's so cute, can we name him and keep him in a jar as a pet?
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Grump-a-saurus
Grumpasaurus - Noun - a person, particularly under the age of 5, presenting foul and unruly behaviour over a period of time, emulating that of an enraged dinosaur.
The Grumpasaurus dwells in most households, though can usually go unnoticed for long periods of time bringing a sense of security and peace to it's prey.
Reasons for a Grumpasaurus to attack include, but are not limited to: Lack of sleep, lack of sustenance, wrong type of sustenance, sudden change in surrounding activity, opposition to opinion.
While is it still uncertain as to why the Grumpasaurus will choose to turn on it's caregivers at various intervals, it is possible to predict when an attack might occur.
Watch for signs of high activity followed by no activity. Listen for a sound mimicking that of a squeaky door or pterodactyl; the hunting cry of the Grumpasaurus. Leaving the immediate area of the Grumpasaurus is recommended at this time.
The Grumpasaurus will feed on whatever it can find, with a particular taste for jelly beans, potato chips, and chocolate. While the Grumpasaurus seems pacified by these food sources, the effect is temporary, and therefore it is recommended to hide any and all snack foods well above Grumpasaurus level. Again, be warned the sound of what seems to be a squeaky door. It may be the Grumpasaurus readying itself for battle.
If caught in the onslaught of a Grumpasaurus attack, sit very still so as not to draw attention to yourself. Occasionally, the Grumpasaurus will retreat of it's own accord if not provoked. Making any sudden movements or noise may startle the Grumpasaurus and target you for further attacks.
The Grumpasaurus resides primarily in high-traffic areas of the household. It has been known to exert dominance over any couch area, or other space that is threatened with being occupied by another person. Attempts to confine a Grumpasaurus to one room of the house may result in heightened rage and destruction of property within said room.
Remember, preparation is the best defense! Best of luck should you encounter a Grumpasaurus in your home.
The Grumpasaurus dwells in most households, though can usually go unnoticed for long periods of time bringing a sense of security and peace to it's prey.
Reasons for a Grumpasaurus to attack include, but are not limited to: Lack of sleep, lack of sustenance, wrong type of sustenance, sudden change in surrounding activity, opposition to opinion.
While is it still uncertain as to why the Grumpasaurus will choose to turn on it's caregivers at various intervals, it is possible to predict when an attack might occur.
Watch for signs of high activity followed by no activity. Listen for a sound mimicking that of a squeaky door or pterodactyl; the hunting cry of the Grumpasaurus. Leaving the immediate area of the Grumpasaurus is recommended at this time.
The Grumpasaurus will feed on whatever it can find, with a particular taste for jelly beans, potato chips, and chocolate. While the Grumpasaurus seems pacified by these food sources, the effect is temporary, and therefore it is recommended to hide any and all snack foods well above Grumpasaurus level. Again, be warned the sound of what seems to be a squeaky door. It may be the Grumpasaurus readying itself for battle.
If caught in the onslaught of a Grumpasaurus attack, sit very still so as not to draw attention to yourself. Occasionally, the Grumpasaurus will retreat of it's own accord if not provoked. Making any sudden movements or noise may startle the Grumpasaurus and target you for further attacks.
The Grumpasaurus resides primarily in high-traffic areas of the household. It has been known to exert dominance over any couch area, or other space that is threatened with being occupied by another person. Attempts to confine a Grumpasaurus to one room of the house may result in heightened rage and destruction of property within said room.
Remember, preparation is the best defense! Best of luck should you encounter a Grumpasaurus in your home.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Reasons To Not Co-Sleep
1. You should not co-sleep with your baby if you like getting up 6 times a night to feed/change/make sure they're still breathing.
2. You should not co-sleep if you don't like morning cuddles followed by falling asleep for an extra two hours.
3. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to hear dream giggles.
4. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to be able to chase away dream sobbing with the touch of a hand or sleep nursing.
5. You should not co-sleep if you don't want an extra bed-warmer in the winter.
6. You should not co-sleep if you like arguing about bedtime.
7. You should not co-sleep if you don't like the smell of baby hair.
8. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to create a strong sense of security in your child.
9. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to provide subconscious breathing cues and heart beat patterns as your baby is learning to breathe while they sleep.
10. You should not co-sleep if you don't like little fingers reaching to make sure you're still there for them.
2. You should not co-sleep if you don't like morning cuddles followed by falling asleep for an extra two hours.
3. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to hear dream giggles.
4. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to be able to chase away dream sobbing with the touch of a hand or sleep nursing.
5. You should not co-sleep if you don't want an extra bed-warmer in the winter.
6. You should not co-sleep if you like arguing about bedtime.
7. You should not co-sleep if you don't like the smell of baby hair.
8. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to create a strong sense of security in your child.
9. You should not co-sleep if you don't want to provide subconscious breathing cues and heart beat patterns as your baby is learning to breathe while they sleep.
10. You should not co-sleep if you don't like little fingers reaching to make sure you're still there for them.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
How to Trick Kids into Thinking You're Playing With Them, When Really You're Just Lazy.
How to Trick Kids into Thinking You're Playing With Them, When Really You're Just Lazy.
1. Over-Enthusiasm.
"Mom let's have a race!"
"OK! Let's see how fast you can run to the end of the yard and back, and I'll time you, GO!!!"
*Cheer them on and repeat praises and starting lines as many times as you can until they either catch on or go do something else*
"Mom, let's build a HUUUUGE block tower"
"YEAH! Ok, show me how we should start!"
*Let them do the project on their own as long as you can stretch it. Maybe even dare to close your eyes for two minutes*
2. Self-Benefiting Logic.
"Mom, you have to STAND to throw the ball"
"Yeah but when I'm sitting I'm the same height as you, so it makes it easier to aim right?"
*Right???*
"Mom climb up as high as me!"
"Ok"
*Stand and reach to where they are*
3. Verbal Acknowledgement.
Lots of "Wow!" and "MMhhM!" and "Oh No!" and "Amazing!", even if you're sleeping on the couch at the time.
"Mom, open your eyes!"
"Yep they are"
*not*
"Here mom, have some hippo soup"
"Om nom nom, yummy!"
*Eyes still closed, didn't move*
"Did you see that!"
"Sure did! Pretty awesome!"
*Eyes still closed, didn't move.*
4. Encouraging Independence.
"Mom, can you get all the sand toys set up?"
"You know where they are! Can you find them? Then you can choose which ones you want."
*Grab a 30 second power nap*
"Mom, get out of bed, I"m hungry"
"You know where the apples are, you can go grab one. I'm coming"
*Cover head with blankets and hope that they'll intercept someone else in the house to divert attention from the fact that you haven't moved*
---------------
One week left to vote for my blog in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Mom blogs of 2013!
http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-Single-Moms-2013
1. Over-Enthusiasm.
"Mom let's have a race!"
"OK! Let's see how fast you can run to the end of the yard and back, and I'll time you, GO!!!"
*Cheer them on and repeat praises and starting lines as many times as you can until they either catch on or go do something else*
"Mom, let's build a HUUUUGE block tower"
"YEAH! Ok, show me how we should start!"
*Let them do the project on their own as long as you can stretch it. Maybe even dare to close your eyes for two minutes*
2. Self-Benefiting Logic.
"Mom, you have to STAND to throw the ball"
"Yeah but when I'm sitting I'm the same height as you, so it makes it easier to aim right?"
*Right???*
"Mom climb up as high as me!"
"Ok"
*Stand and reach to where they are*
3. Verbal Acknowledgement.
Lots of "Wow!" and "MMhhM!" and "Oh No!" and "Amazing!", even if you're sleeping on the couch at the time.
"Mom, open your eyes!"
"Yep they are"
*not*
"Here mom, have some hippo soup"
"Om nom nom, yummy!"
*Eyes still closed, didn't move*
"Did you see that!"
"Sure did! Pretty awesome!"
*Eyes still closed, didn't move.*
4. Encouraging Independence.
"Mom, can you get all the sand toys set up?"
"You know where they are! Can you find them? Then you can choose which ones you want."
*Grab a 30 second power nap*
"Mom, get out of bed, I"m hungry"
"You know where the apples are, you can go grab one. I'm coming"
*Cover head with blankets and hope that they'll intercept someone else in the house to divert attention from the fact that you haven't moved*
---------------
One week left to vote for my blog in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Single Mom blogs of 2013!
http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/Top-25-Single-Moms-2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Recipe for a Winter Picnic
Recipe For a Winter Picnic
Supplies Needed:
One exited pre-schooler
One large floor space
One large blanket or table cloth
One picnic bag or basket
A variety of food
Begin by attempting to decipher what pre-schooler would like to pack for picnic. Make executive decision that spaghetti might not be the best choice. Settle for leftover mashed potatoes with beans, tuna salad sandwiches and fried egg sandwich (for those of us with no egg allergy).
Begin preparing food.
Direct pre-schooler to find ingredients in fridge and pantry.
Retrieve ingredients yourself after pre-schooler chooses to spend time dividing cherry tomatoes between 4 containers.
Instruct pre-schooler to find a container for the sandwiches.
Retrieve containers yourself while pre-schooler searches fridge for garlic stuffed olives. Give fork to pre-schooler to extract olives from bottom of jar.
Ask pre-schooler if the remains of tuna salad should be put in fridge or packed. Verdict: packed. Ask for container. Settle on dividing it between 2 containers instead of 4.
Allow pre-schooler to pack cans of beans and a can opener, even though they weigh a ton and you know you won't eat them.
Ask pre-schooler what beverage should be brought. Accept the lemon they hand you and the request for homemade lemonade.
Juice lemon while pre-schooler packs bags of almonds and boxes of raisins.
Stop juicing lemon and allow pre-schooler to stir after discovery that you were allegedly supposed to let pre-schooler juice the lemon.
Re-pack bag after pre-schooler dropped it on floor trying to carry it over to you.
Remember that you haven't found picnic blanket yet.
Hunt for picnic blanket in giant trunk full of blankets and sheets.
Lay blanket in pre-tidied play room.
Venture back to kitchen to get picnic bag, camera and cellphone (all important things for a picnic).
Spend over an hour eating all the food you packed (silly you, thought it was too much).
Photo document event.
Supplies Needed:
One exited pre-schooler
One large floor space
One large blanket or table cloth
One picnic bag or basket
A variety of food
Begin by attempting to decipher what pre-schooler would like to pack for picnic. Make executive decision that spaghetti might not be the best choice. Settle for leftover mashed potatoes with beans, tuna salad sandwiches and fried egg sandwich (for those of us with no egg allergy).
Begin preparing food.
Direct pre-schooler to find ingredients in fridge and pantry.
Retrieve ingredients yourself after pre-schooler chooses to spend time dividing cherry tomatoes between 4 containers.
Instruct pre-schooler to find a container for the sandwiches.
Retrieve containers yourself while pre-schooler searches fridge for garlic stuffed olives. Give fork to pre-schooler to extract olives from bottom of jar.
Ask pre-schooler if the remains of tuna salad should be put in fridge or packed. Verdict: packed. Ask for container. Settle on dividing it between 2 containers instead of 4.
Allow pre-schooler to pack cans of beans and a can opener, even though they weigh a ton and you know you won't eat them.
Ask pre-schooler what beverage should be brought. Accept the lemon they hand you and the request for homemade lemonade.
Juice lemon while pre-schooler packs bags of almonds and boxes of raisins.
Stop juicing lemon and allow pre-schooler to stir after discovery that you were allegedly supposed to let pre-schooler juice the lemon.
Re-pack bag after pre-schooler dropped it on floor trying to carry it over to you.
Remember that you haven't found picnic blanket yet.
Hunt for picnic blanket in giant trunk full of blankets and sheets.
Lay blanket in pre-tidied play room.
Venture back to kitchen to get picnic bag, camera and cellphone (all important things for a picnic).
Spend over an hour eating all the food you packed (silly you, thought it was too much).
Photo document event.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
How to lose 5 Pounds Fast!!!
It's So Easy!!!
#1: Get yourself a big old head cold/flu! Preferably one that includes a fever (though none of that throwing up grossness). Frequent coughing fits, nose blowings and headaches are a must.
#2: Skip those sugary holiday treats!! (or avoid the parties all together since no one will want you there now anyway)
#3: 'Feel the Burn' - The fever burn, that is.
#4: Cardio workout - Simply coughing or rolling over in bed will send your fevered heart into a frenzy. Easiest workout ever, am I right??!!!!
#5: Dine only on thin broth and easily digestible foods like rice and soup noodles. Move it on through!!
#6: Have fun with it!! Create games for yourself like 'How many spoonfulls of soup can I eat before the steam makes my nose drip?' and 'How many breaths can I take before I have another coughing fit?'
#7: Continue to sleep a lot and not eat. Your body will thank you later!!!
Still don't believe me?? Check out these amazing results*!!!!!!!
*Some results may vary. Side effects may include headache, nausea, fatigue, inability to stand, frequent urination, sweating, whacked out menstrual cycle, no desire to be a parent, household kleenex shortage, misery, whining, delirium, burning sensation in nasal cavity, sensitivity to light, dislike for life, strong aversion to the smell of poop, strong desire to sleep in a hot basin of water.
#1: Get yourself a big old head cold/flu! Preferably one that includes a fever (though none of that throwing up grossness). Frequent coughing fits, nose blowings and headaches are a must.
#2: Skip those sugary holiday treats!! (or avoid the parties all together since no one will want you there now anyway)
#3: 'Feel the Burn' - The fever burn, that is.
#4: Cardio workout - Simply coughing or rolling over in bed will send your fevered heart into a frenzy. Easiest workout ever, am I right??!!!!
#5: Dine only on thin broth and easily digestible foods like rice and soup noodles. Move it on through!!
#6: Have fun with it!! Create games for yourself like 'How many spoonfulls of soup can I eat before the steam makes my nose drip?' and 'How many breaths can I take before I have another coughing fit?'
#7: Continue to sleep a lot and not eat. Your body will thank you later!!!
Still don't believe me?? Check out these amazing results*!!!!!!!
*Some results may vary. Side effects may include headache, nausea, fatigue, inability to stand, frequent urination, sweating, whacked out menstrual cycle, no desire to be a parent, household kleenex shortage, misery, whining, delirium, burning sensation in nasal cavity, sensitivity to light, dislike for life, strong aversion to the smell of poop, strong desire to sleep in a hot basin of water.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
The Sick
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to write a blog about The Sick, but now that I'm here i"m realizing that very little of my brain is un-mucusified and thus I don't feel as though I have anything intelligent to say and am now rambling in some sort of stream of conciousness no doubt brough on my my ever growning fever (for the second time in two days.)
so...
A LLAMA
Photocred to whoever took it...
Also, did you know that Llamas and Lamas are two very different things?? Learned that in the book i'm reading...
so...
A LLAMA
Photocred to whoever took it...
Also, did you know that Llamas and Lamas are two very different things?? Learned that in the book i'm reading...
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Thankful
Well, Happy Thanksgiving!
Our family was never one to sit around the dinner table and address what we're thankful for on Thanksgiving. I've been to people's houses where they do that and I'm always at a loss for what to say.
I'm thankful for.................friends? Ice cream?? Anything I thought of sounded cliche and shallow.
So over the last few weeks I've been thinking of things to be thankful for that maybe we don't always consider...... kind of like the Positive Party posts I used to make... but not....you get it...
Be thankful for the guy driving eeeeeeeeexxxxxactlyyyyyyy the speed limit in front of you. They stopped you from getting a ticket from the police car waiting on the other side of the hill.
Be thankful for rainy days. There are only so many days in the year that pajamas, crafts, baking and movies are 100% appropriate.
Be thankful for nursing babies (and toddlers). They remind us that sometimes we need to just...sit.
Be thankful for the people who criticize you. Sometimes we need a wake-up call.
Be thankful for power outages. They get you to...you know.. talk to people. Like in person.
Be thankful for breakups. Opportunities can be seized that otherwise would not have come along.
Happy Turkey everyone!
Find some ironic things to be thankful for.....post them in the comments if you like!
Our family was never one to sit around the dinner table and address what we're thankful for on Thanksgiving. I've been to people's houses where they do that and I'm always at a loss for what to say.
I'm thankful for.................friends? Ice cream?? Anything I thought of sounded cliche and shallow.
So over the last few weeks I've been thinking of things to be thankful for that maybe we don't always consider...... kind of like the Positive Party posts I used to make... but not....you get it...
Be thankful for the guy driving eeeeeeeeexxxxxactlyyyyyyy the speed limit in front of you. They stopped you from getting a ticket from the police car waiting on the other side of the hill.
Be thankful for rainy days. There are only so many days in the year that pajamas, crafts, baking and movies are 100% appropriate.
Be thankful for nursing babies (and toddlers). They remind us that sometimes we need to just...sit.
Be thankful for the people who criticize you. Sometimes we need a wake-up call.
Be thankful for power outages. They get you to...you know.. talk to people. Like in person.
Be thankful for breakups. Opportunities can be seized that otherwise would not have come along.
Happy Turkey everyone!
Find some ironic things to be thankful for.....post them in the comments if you like!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Why?
A list of some of the conversations I've had this week...
Me: Hmm, can't get the smudge off my windshield
Toby: WHAT SMUDGE?
Me:...Just a smudge...I think it's on the inside. I can't get it when I'm driving.
Toby: But WHY is is on the inside??!?!
Me: Well I couldn't get it with my windshield wipers, so i guess it's inside. Probably from when I was washing the car.
Toby: Why did you leave a smudge there??!?!?!
Me: Because I guess I wasn't being careful.
Toby: But WHY weren't you being caref-
Me: MOMMY'S DRIVING
-----
Toby: Why is there a point here?
Me: Because that's what hearts look like when they're folded in half. There's a rounded end and a pointed end.
Toby: But WHY?!?!
Me: I guess that's just what a heart shape looks like
Toby: But WHY does it have a point??!?!
Me: Bedtime, goodnight.
-----
Toby: Why don't I have a hat on in that picture?
Me: I'm not sure! Maybe you pulled it off.
Toby: Why?
Me: I don't know, you were a baby.
Toby: But, Why was I a baby?
Me:...........Because.... you were...
Toby: Why did I take my hat off?!??!!?!
Me: LET'S TURN THE PAGE
------
Toby: Is that dress for me?
Me: Um, no, I'm making it for the craft show. Maybe someone with a little girl will buy it.
Toby: Why isn't it for me?
Me: Well, for one thing, you're too big for it now. It won't fit you.
Toby: Why won't it fit?
Me: Because you're getting bigger! You're a big boy now.
Toby: Well, someday, when I'm smaller it will fit me!
Me: Well, it doesn't work like that. You're just going to keep getting bigger, like Mommy.
Toby: Why?
Me: Because that's the way life works.
Toby: But I mean SOMEDAY.
Me:..................................................................
-----
Toby: Where's that tractor we saw?
Me: We saw that tractor in the field a few days ago, I don't think he'll be there now.
Toby: Why?
Me: Well, I'm sure his work is all done, and the farmer is probably having lunch now anyway.
Toby: Why is he all done??!??!!!
Me: Because I don't think plowing the field takes three days to do, plus he was almost done when we drove by before.
Toby: But I want to see him.
Me: I know. Just keep your eyes open you might see another one.
Toby: But, Where's the blue one we saw before?
Me: I already said, probably back at the farm, and I'm not sure which farm that tractor belonged to.
Toby: Why?
Me: HEY I LOVE THIS SONG *turns radio up* Want some water Toby??? Cracker??? Anything????
------
Toby: Where's Grampa?
Me: Dunno, maybe outside?
Toby: Why is he outside?
Me: Not sure, I can't see him.
Toby: Why?
Me:....Because we're inside.
Toby: But I want to know what Grampa's doing.
Me: Well we can take a look out the window, but I don't know if we'll see him.
Toby: Why did he go outside?
Me: I don't even know for sure if he IS outside, he might have gone in his car.
Toby: WHY DID HE GO IN HIS CAR???
Me: Maybe to get groceries.
Toby: Why??!?!?!
Me: Because we have no food.
Toby: YES WE DO
Me: We have some food, but maybe Grampa's getting more. I don't even know if that;s what he's doing!! I'm just speculating!!!
Toby: WHY ARE YOU SPECUTATING?
Me: BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
------
Toby: (while playing on the bathroom floor while I wash my hair) Hey mom?
Me: Yeah?
Toby: Don't forget to wash your breasts.
Me:....................................thanks.............
Me: Hmm, can't get the smudge off my windshield
Toby: WHAT SMUDGE?
Me:...Just a smudge...I think it's on the inside. I can't get it when I'm driving.
Toby: But WHY is is on the inside??!?!
Me: Well I couldn't get it with my windshield wipers, so i guess it's inside. Probably from when I was washing the car.
Toby: Why did you leave a smudge there??!?!?!
Me: Because I guess I wasn't being careful.
Toby: But WHY weren't you being caref-
Me: MOMMY'S DRIVING
-----
Toby: Why is there a point here?
Me: Because that's what hearts look like when they're folded in half. There's a rounded end and a pointed end.
Toby: But WHY?!?!
Me: I guess that's just what a heart shape looks like
Toby: But WHY does it have a point??!?!
Me: Bedtime, goodnight.
-----
Toby: Why don't I have a hat on in that picture?
Me: I'm not sure! Maybe you pulled it off.
Toby: Why?
Me: I don't know, you were a baby.
Toby: But, Why was I a baby?
Me:...........Because.... you were...
Toby: Why did I take my hat off?!??!!?!
Me: LET'S TURN THE PAGE
------
Toby: Is that dress for me?
Me: Um, no, I'm making it for the craft show. Maybe someone with a little girl will buy it.
Toby: Why isn't it for me?
Me: Well, for one thing, you're too big for it now. It won't fit you.
Toby: Why won't it fit?
Me: Because you're getting bigger! You're a big boy now.
Toby: Well, someday, when I'm smaller it will fit me!
Me: Well, it doesn't work like that. You're just going to keep getting bigger, like Mommy.
Toby: Why?
Me: Because that's the way life works.
Toby: But I mean SOMEDAY.
Me:..................................................................
-----
Toby: Where's that tractor we saw?
Me: We saw that tractor in the field a few days ago, I don't think he'll be there now.
Toby: Why?
Me: Well, I'm sure his work is all done, and the farmer is probably having lunch now anyway.
Toby: Why is he all done??!??!!!
Me: Because I don't think plowing the field takes three days to do, plus he was almost done when we drove by before.
Toby: But I want to see him.
Me: I know. Just keep your eyes open you might see another one.
Toby: But, Where's the blue one we saw before?
Me: I already said, probably back at the farm, and I'm not sure which farm that tractor belonged to.
Toby: Why?
Me: HEY I LOVE THIS SONG *turns radio up* Want some water Toby??? Cracker??? Anything????
------
Toby: Where's Grampa?
Me: Dunno, maybe outside?
Toby: Why is he outside?
Me: Not sure, I can't see him.
Toby: Why?
Me:....Because we're inside.
Toby: But I want to know what Grampa's doing.
Me: Well we can take a look out the window, but I don't know if we'll see him.
Toby: Why did he go outside?
Me: I don't even know for sure if he IS outside, he might have gone in his car.
Toby: WHY DID HE GO IN HIS CAR???
Me: Maybe to get groceries.
Toby: Why??!?!?!
Me: Because we have no food.
Toby: YES WE DO
Me: We have some food, but maybe Grampa's getting more. I don't even know if that;s what he's doing!! I'm just speculating!!!
Toby: WHY ARE YOU SPECUTATING?
Me: BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
------
Toby: (while playing on the bathroom floor while I wash my hair) Hey mom?
Me: Yeah?
Toby: Don't forget to wash your breasts.
Me:....................................thanks.............
Friday, November 18, 2011
Today Has Been Brought to You by the Letter S and the Number 3
(So this was actually yesterday, but I didn't have time to finish writing last night)
-Look, there's Snow!
- We can go Shovel it!
- Look out mom while I Stab your eye to make you wake up faster
- Sob-Screaming commences after mom expresses her displeasure at being Stabbed in the face
- Stumble out of bed
- After a long and whiny morning, Toby insists he wants to go Sledding.
- Refuses to put Snowpants on
- Settle for insulated 'outside' pants, with the understanding that we can't play in the snow because they won't keep us dry.
- Look, Mommy is wearing HER nice Snowpants....
- 'Shooing' the cats proves to be more fun than doing any actual Snow Stuff
- Please Stop Toby
- Sly and impish behavior brings on threats of a time-out
- Stomping and Screaming commences
- Here Toby, let's SHOVEL!
- Shovel becomes new 'Shooing' instrument for cats.
- Mom attempts to distract by trying to build another Snowman
- Toby remembers he wanted to go Sledding
- Mom insists that we need to have on Snowpants for that activity
- Toby insists that mom needs to get the Sleds out
- Mom says fine, but we're not using them until Snowpants are donned.
- On the way to finding Sled, mini Snowshoes are found
- Toby wants to go Snowshoeing
- Toby decides he does not want to go Snowshoeing
- Mom resumes finding Sleds. Digs out two flying Saucers
- Toby insists that these are not Sleds
- Mom clarifies that we've never had an actual Sled, and that this is what we slide down hills on.
- Toby clarifies that he wants a Sled ride
- Mom realizes he is actually talking about his SLEIGH. Mood improves.
- Find child's Sleigh in attic.
- Drag Toby around the yard on Sleigh
- Great entertainment in the fact that the Sleigh is 'Scooting' the Snow out of the way
- Cats decide Sleigh is a point of interest.
- Toby resumes 'Shooing' attack on cats.
- Mom warns that cats find things like that Scary, and further warns of oncoming time-out
- Shooing and Screaming at cats continues.
- Mom leaves to sit on time-out Step
- Toby Screams
- Mom says that if we can't leave the cats alone or have a time-out then we go inSide
- Warning falls on deaf ears as Shooing resumes.
- Mom goes inSide
- Toby Screams
- Mom Shrugs
- Toby Sobs
- Mom removes Snow boots
- Toby insists he wants to Stay outSide
- Mom says that's fine, if we first Sit on the Step for two minutes and apologize to the cats for being
- Toby Screams
- Mom removes Scarf
- Toby Slams door
- Mom removes Soggy clothes from raging toddler
- Toby wants to Sleep
- Silly mom takes Suggestion Seriously
- End up Sitting and nursing in living room
- Mom's Stomach growls
- Toby Scowls
- Mom decides that empty Stomachs are what is causing the mood
- Mom heats up leftover Stir-fry and pasta, ignoring Screaming toddler at her ankles
- Everyone's mood improves after Stir-fry
- Movies and Snacks are had while mom Snoozes on couch
- After Snooze, Toby wants to go outside again
- Discussion is had about the 'Shooing' of cats
- Promises are made to not Shoo
- Reminders Still needed to be issued, but a more 'normal' outside experience is had
- Come in to make rice and tofu Stir-fry for dinner
- After dinner is made, Toby asks for Sushi
- Mom says no, then looks at Stir-fry, then thinks Sure why not
- Hot rice and tofu is Spread on last two remaining pieces of Seaweed
- Big Sigh of relief when bedtime arrives
3 = Number of years I've been flying by the seat of my pants
3 = The dawning of The Age of The Tester
-Look, there's Snow!
- We can go Shovel it!
- Look out mom while I Stab your eye to make you wake up faster
- Sob-Screaming commences after mom expresses her displeasure at being Stabbed in the face
- Stumble out of bed
- After a long and whiny morning, Toby insists he wants to go Sledding.
- Refuses to put Snowpants on
- Settle for insulated 'outside' pants, with the understanding that we can't play in the snow because they won't keep us dry.
- Look, Mommy is wearing HER nice Snowpants....
- 'Shooing' the cats proves to be more fun than doing any actual Snow Stuff
- Please Stop Toby
- Sly and impish behavior brings on threats of a time-out
- Stomping and Screaming commences
- Here Toby, let's SHOVEL!
- Shovel becomes new 'Shooing' instrument for cats.
- Mom attempts to distract by trying to build another Snowman
- Toby remembers he wanted to go Sledding
- Mom insists that we need to have on Snowpants for that activity
- Toby insists that mom needs to get the Sleds out
- Mom says fine, but we're not using them until Snowpants are donned.
- On the way to finding Sled, mini Snowshoes are found
- Toby wants to go Snowshoeing
- Toby decides he does not want to go Snowshoeing
- Mom resumes finding Sleds. Digs out two flying Saucers
- Toby insists that these are not Sleds
- Mom clarifies that we've never had an actual Sled, and that this is what we slide down hills on.
- Toby clarifies that he wants a Sled ride
- Mom realizes he is actually talking about his SLEIGH. Mood improves.
- Find child's Sleigh in attic.
- Drag Toby around the yard on Sleigh
- Great entertainment in the fact that the Sleigh is 'Scooting' the Snow out of the way
- Cats decide Sleigh is a point of interest.
- Toby resumes 'Shooing' attack on cats.
- Mom warns that cats find things like that Scary, and further warns of oncoming time-out
- Shooing and Screaming at cats continues.
- Mom leaves to sit on time-out Step
- Toby Screams
- Mom says that if we can't leave the cats alone or have a time-out then we go inSide
- Warning falls on deaf ears as Shooing resumes.
- Mom goes inSide
- Toby Screams
- Mom Shrugs
- Toby Sobs
- Mom removes Snow boots
- Toby insists he wants to Stay outSide
- Mom says that's fine, if we first Sit on the Step for two minutes and apologize to the cats for being
- Toby Screams
- Mom removes Scarf
- Toby Slams door
- Mom removes Soggy clothes from raging toddler
- Toby wants to Sleep
- Silly mom takes Suggestion Seriously
- End up Sitting and nursing in living room
- Mom's Stomach growls
- Toby Scowls
- Mom decides that empty Stomachs are what is causing the mood
- Mom heats up leftover Stir-fry and pasta, ignoring Screaming toddler at her ankles
- Everyone's mood improves after Stir-fry
- Movies and Snacks are had while mom Snoozes on couch
- After Snooze, Toby wants to go outside again
- Discussion is had about the 'Shooing' of cats
- Promises are made to not Shoo
- Reminders Still needed to be issued, but a more 'normal' outside experience is had
- Come in to make rice and tofu Stir-fry for dinner
- After dinner is made, Toby asks for Sushi
- Mom says no, then looks at Stir-fry, then thinks Sure why not
- Hot rice and tofu is Spread on last two remaining pieces of Seaweed
- Big Sigh of relief when bedtime arrives
3 = Number of years I've been flying by the seat of my pants
3 = The dawning of The Age of The Tester
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Poop, and Other Jokes
Toby has come of the age where 'poop' is the funniest thing anyone can say, and the funniest punchline to any joke he tells.
He makes up words and phrases and changes the first letter of every word until they sound hilarious.
'Piffins and priffins' was one of the early ones. Dear knows what it means but when he was two he went through a phase where he would daily walk up to me and ask "Mom, did you know about the piffins and priffins?" And I would ask what he meant and he would cackle and run away.
Over the last couple months his funniest jokes were when he turned whatever I said into a negative.
"Toooooobyyyyy I love you"
"NO YOU DONT! DONT SAY THAT!"
"Yes I doooooooooooo and you love me tooooo"
"NO I DONT! DONT SAY THAT WORD!" *runs away laughing*
"Mmm this dinner sure is yummy!"
"NO! It ISN'T! It's poopy!" *proceeds to eat with gusto and a cheeky grin*
Lately now, when I say something to him he'll cock his head sideways as though he didn't hear me properly and ask if I said something completely nonsensical.
"Hey Toby, can you get the little scoop out of the drawer?"
"....Did you say 'scoop'? Or 'poop'?"
" I said SCOOP Toby, you heard me"
"I think I hear Opa mowing the grass"
"...Did you say 'mowing?' Or 'flowing'?
"Yes, he's flowing the grass........"
"We can go outside when we're done eating"
"....Did you say 'eating'? Or 'feeting'?"
This discovery of replacing consonants to make life WAY more hilarious has spilled into full scentences when I have no idea what he's saying.
"Pooing, plithing, pruding, pofu, parrot, pin the par"
...........Something about a tofu carrot in the car? Or parrot poop?....
Yet with all the poop jokes, he still gets terribly offended if I ask him if he needs a diaper change. He sometimes will sit on the toilet and go, but it's usually after my suggestion after reading his signs. Sometimes I'll ask if he needs to use the washroom and he says no through a strained red face. Other times I"ll just look over at him and he'll say 'NO DON'T LOOK AT ME'. I'm trying not to push it, we have time.
Trying to allow him to keep an open vocabulary with me, versus what is acceptable to say in public or even around other people in the house is becoming a fine line to tread on. I don't want to snuff out the word 'poop' but I also don't need: "MOM? ARE YOU GOING POOP??" shouted across the house as I leave to go to the bathroom.
The little monkey will be 3 in two weeks. Pretty crazy. And the older he gets the more he understands. Although I doubt 'poop' will lose it's hilarity any time soon.
---------
End note: Thanks to those who have voted for me in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs contest!! If you're not on facebook you might not have been following the progress. You can go to the link below and vote once a day until November 17th!!
http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/one-plus-one?blogroll_id=41
He makes up words and phrases and changes the first letter of every word until they sound hilarious.
'Piffins and priffins' was one of the early ones. Dear knows what it means but when he was two he went through a phase where he would daily walk up to me and ask "Mom, did you know about the piffins and priffins?" And I would ask what he meant and he would cackle and run away.
Over the last couple months his funniest jokes were when he turned whatever I said into a negative.
"Toooooobyyyyy I love you"
"NO YOU DONT! DONT SAY THAT!"
"Yes I doooooooooooo and you love me tooooo"
"NO I DONT! DONT SAY THAT WORD!" *runs away laughing*
"Mmm this dinner sure is yummy!"
"NO! It ISN'T! It's poopy!" *proceeds to eat with gusto and a cheeky grin*
Lately now, when I say something to him he'll cock his head sideways as though he didn't hear me properly and ask if I said something completely nonsensical.
"Hey Toby, can you get the little scoop out of the drawer?"
"....Did you say 'scoop'? Or 'poop'?"
" I said SCOOP Toby, you heard me"
"I think I hear Opa mowing the grass"
"...Did you say 'mowing?' Or 'flowing'?
"Yes, he's flowing the grass........"
"We can go outside when we're done eating"
"....Did you say 'eating'? Or 'feeting'?"
This discovery of replacing consonants to make life WAY more hilarious has spilled into full scentences when I have no idea what he's saying.
"Pooing, plithing, pruding, pofu, parrot, pin the par"
...........Something about a tofu carrot in the car? Or parrot poop?....
Yet with all the poop jokes, he still gets terribly offended if I ask him if he needs a diaper change. He sometimes will sit on the toilet and go, but it's usually after my suggestion after reading his signs. Sometimes I'll ask if he needs to use the washroom and he says no through a strained red face. Other times I"ll just look over at him and he'll say 'NO DON'T LOOK AT ME'. I'm trying not to push it, we have time.
Trying to allow him to keep an open vocabulary with me, versus what is acceptable to say in public or even around other people in the house is becoming a fine line to tread on. I don't want to snuff out the word 'poop' but I also don't need: "MOM? ARE YOU GOING POOP??" shouted across the house as I leave to go to the bathroom.
The little monkey will be 3 in two weeks. Pretty crazy. And the older he gets the more he understands. Although I doubt 'poop' will lose it's hilarity any time soon.
---------
End note: Thanks to those who have voted for me in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs contest!! If you're not on facebook you might not have been following the progress. You can go to the link below and vote once a day until November 17th!!
http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/one-plus-one?blogroll_id=41
Monday, March 14, 2011
Not So Dirty
If your mind is as firmly planted in the gutter as mine has been known to be, then you've possibly come across the same phenomenon as I have.
There are many phrases that we use on a daily basis that, at one time, would have sent me into a raging fit of suppressed giggles, but am now forced to remain composed due to context.
Having kids changes everything.
And so, here is my list of
Things That Sound Dirty That Really Aren't Anymore.
Animal in bed = ‘Monkey’ jumping on it.
I don’t think it will fit = Triangles don’t go in the square hole of the shape sorter
Too big for your mouth = Let’s cut food into smaller bits
I’m going to ride you = Asking for piggyback or talking to toy horse
Banging on the floor = Wielding a toy hammer
Get on your back = Time for diaper change
I”ve never seen one so big! = Commenting on a rock found in the driveway
I’m going to eat you = The tickle monster is hungry for elbows
Yay, you got it in the hole! = Celebratory phrase of improved hand/eye co-ordination
Nice balls = Commenting on the colour/pattern of plastic toys
Be gentle with the balls = Please don’t throw things in the house
I’m all wet = Spilled water… again
You’re so dirty = Time for a bath
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Running Commentary
I love two year olds.
Or maybe just mine, since I'm not around a lot of other two year olds.
In the last few weeks his vocabulary has skyrocketed and mixed with his new found imagination, hilarity ensues. Or maybe it's just me that finds his babble funny.
He's always been good with words. He had over 50 at a year and a half plus he was doing sign language. He's always been good as communicating, but it was always few-word sentences. Now the sentences don't seem to stop before he's on to the next point.
A few of these I've posted on facebook already, but this is a collection of the things he's said to me in the last week.
Toby:"You hear the full moon coming up!"
Me:"You can hear the moon Toby?"
Toby:"Yeah. You heard it coming up at night time and then maybe the the maybe the sun comes out and then you can't see it anymore because the moon goes down and then you can see better in the sun and we go outside and shovel out our snow castle maybe..."
This was accompanied by a lot of nose wrinkling and shrugging the way I do when I say 'I dont know' or 'maybe'.
We have a baby pine plantation in our once open fields and the tops of the trees are just visible above the snow. Since the snow is now hard enough to walk on we've been inspecting the trees lately. When we were out a few days ago he was walking behind me with a running commentary and part of it included:
"Maybe we can go shovel up the snow in the field and put it on top of the pine trees like *plomp plomp plomp* and to help them grow a bit and then they can get flowers on them and then they can turn into jets"
.........ok?
He seems to have this new fascination with jets. We saw two in a row fly over our house on a really clear day and since I was trying to convince him to go for a walk with me I said we might see some jets if we were out in the field and away from all the trees. We did end up seeing another jet. So now he thinks the live in the field.
Last night he had a fixation with the cats running outside.
"Chaos running by, no actually Squeak and Moses running by and Opa out there too running with them and shoveling the path!"
...Toby it's 9:30 at night, I think Opa is at home since it's really dark outside...
"*gasp* what you hear? I hear.. I hear...I hear...OOOHH Squeak swishing her tail to shoo away the butterflies! Like.. excuse me butterflies...excuse me butterflies... excuse me butterflies..."
He also names birds out our window and there's usually a daily commentary about how many blue jays came and if we saw the yellow-bellied sap sucker that day and that the evening grosbeaks were chasing each other.
My mom rolls her eyes and says he's as nauseating as I was at that age. There's videos of me walking through the bush at almost 3 years and naming every plant we saw without being prompted.
That night he was drawing me pictures with great gusto while I watched.
-"One big wheeeeel. Other big wheeeel. Tractor engiiiiine. Monkey on it..."
"There's a monkey driving your tractor?"
"Yeah there's one leeeeeg and the other leeeeeg hanging down in the snow! And here's the dirt and grass he mowing up!"
-"Airplane! There one wing... and it goes BBBRRRMM in the sky. and here's the grass and OH stairs going up! Stairs up so Toby can see the plane better! And them some of that heeeere..."
"Is that the exhaust from the plane?"
"Actually those are milkweed seeds. THIS is exhaust...*scribbles*"
But the best part of my week, was this morning. When he first wakes up is usually when the most entertaining things happen. All the non-talking that happened while he was sleeping comes out in a huge verbal explosion.
At first, I was still exhausted so I nodded and 'mmhmmed' while he muttered and then he crawled over top of me to get to the basket of books we have sitting on our bed. He flipped through them and finally went "oooooh art books..."
We have two Petit Connoisseur books called Fashion and Art.
They are funny little visual puns geared for babies. Toby knows them off by heart but we havn't read them in a while so it was funny the be lying there with my eyes closed and hear:
"Sooooo Stylish... ooo chic....Slide shoe! And it's like a slide!......oooh elephant trunk show...and the little diapers... they not for Toby though, just for little boys. Not for Toby.. just little boys... mommy?"
"Toby, you ARE a boy.. those could be trunks for you..."
"No, not Toby... OTHER little boys... and girls... but not Toby's"
"Oh ok, if they're someone else's thats fine"
"....OOOOHHHH Cubism!!"
Love.
And then when I started to wake up and he got bored of reading and realized I was actually awake...:
"Go outside and feed the birds maybe. Go outside and feed the birds and take the feeder down and put seed in it because so the birds can eat their lunch and then we hang it back up because it's...empty" He shrugged and wrinkled his nose.
"I don't think we would hang it up if it was empty Toby, that's why we took it down to put seed in it"
"But THEN because the birds eat their lunch and we go out and give them the seeds and then it's ampty and we have to go put more in"
"Well, yes when the birds eat it all we put more seed in, but I think we actually did that yesterday so we don't need to feed them today."
"Huh...hmmm...*squints out the window* OH! An oak tree! There's an oak tree way back there! Look mommy!"
"Yeah I think most of the trees out there are maple trees Toby"
"There was an oak tree waaaaaaaay back in the field and that's where the jet was I mean that's where the jet lived and sometimes when we go in the field then they can fly over our house"
He paused at this point and got the 'poop look' on his face.
"Are you pooping Toby?"
Another pause.
"Nope. You not pooping you have a bit of gas in your diaper and the pee. Just pee and gas in your diaper because you a bit gassy but not pooping."
I nearly died laughing. He's looking at me like... what....And I'm turning blue in the face trying not laugh to hard at him.
So what is it that makes one kid 'tick' differently than another? People say that boys are slower at vocabulary than girls, but Toby never had trouble with words. People say that their two year old speaks maybe 10 words and poor sentences, so how does their brain develop differently than Toby's? Is it mostly genetic? Is it mostly the daily conversation babies hear until they can talk?
Well, whatever has clicked inside Toby's head has clicked full gear and he seems to be spilling forth all the streams of consciousness that have been in his head for the last year.
Sometimes life is fun with a little running commentary.
Or maybe just mine, since I'm not around a lot of other two year olds.
In the last few weeks his vocabulary has skyrocketed and mixed with his new found imagination, hilarity ensues. Or maybe it's just me that finds his babble funny.
He's always been good with words. He had over 50 at a year and a half plus he was doing sign language. He's always been good as communicating, but it was always few-word sentences. Now the sentences don't seem to stop before he's on to the next point.
A few of these I've posted on facebook already, but this is a collection of the things he's said to me in the last week.
Toby:"You hear the full moon coming up!"
Me:"You can hear the moon Toby?"
Toby:"Yeah. You heard it coming up at night time and then maybe the the maybe the sun comes out and then you can't see it anymore because the moon goes down and then you can see better in the sun and we go outside and shovel out our snow castle maybe..."
This was accompanied by a lot of nose wrinkling and shrugging the way I do when I say 'I dont know' or 'maybe'.
We have a baby pine plantation in our once open fields and the tops of the trees are just visible above the snow. Since the snow is now hard enough to walk on we've been inspecting the trees lately. When we were out a few days ago he was walking behind me with a running commentary and part of it included:
"Maybe we can go shovel up the snow in the field and put it on top of the pine trees like *plomp plomp plomp* and to help them grow a bit and then they can get flowers on them and then they can turn into jets"
.........ok?
He seems to have this new fascination with jets. We saw two in a row fly over our house on a really clear day and since I was trying to convince him to go for a walk with me I said we might see some jets if we were out in the field and away from all the trees. We did end up seeing another jet. So now he thinks the live in the field.
Last night he had a fixation with the cats running outside.
"Chaos running by, no actually Squeak and Moses running by and Opa out there too running with them and shoveling the path!"
...Toby it's 9:30 at night, I think Opa is at home since it's really dark outside...
"*gasp* what you hear? I hear.. I hear...I hear...OOOHH Squeak swishing her tail to shoo away the butterflies! Like.. excuse me butterflies...excuse me butterflies... excuse me butterflies..."
He also names birds out our window and there's usually a daily commentary about how many blue jays came and if we saw the yellow-bellied sap sucker that day and that the evening grosbeaks were chasing each other.
My mom rolls her eyes and says he's as nauseating as I was at that age. There's videos of me walking through the bush at almost 3 years and naming every plant we saw without being prompted.
That night he was drawing me pictures with great gusto while I watched.
-"One big wheeeeel. Other big wheeeel. Tractor engiiiiine. Monkey on it..."
"There's a monkey driving your tractor?"
"Yeah there's one leeeeeg and the other leeeeeg hanging down in the snow! And here's the dirt and grass he mowing up!"
-"Airplane! There one wing... and it goes BBBRRRMM in the sky. and here's the grass and OH stairs going up! Stairs up so Toby can see the plane better! And them some of that heeeere..."
"Is that the exhaust from the plane?"
"Actually those are milkweed seeds. THIS is exhaust...*scribbles*"
But the best part of my week, was this morning. When he first wakes up is usually when the most entertaining things happen. All the non-talking that happened while he was sleeping comes out in a huge verbal explosion.
At first, I was still exhausted so I nodded and 'mmhmmed' while he muttered and then he crawled over top of me to get to the basket of books we have sitting on our bed. He flipped through them and finally went "oooooh art books..."
We have two Petit Connoisseur books called Fashion and Art.
They are funny little visual puns geared for babies. Toby knows them off by heart but we havn't read them in a while so it was funny the be lying there with my eyes closed and hear:
"Sooooo Stylish... ooo chic....Slide shoe! And it's like a slide!......oooh elephant trunk show...and the little diapers... they not for Toby though, just for little boys. Not for Toby.. just little boys... mommy?"
"Toby, you ARE a boy.. those could be trunks for you..."
"No, not Toby... OTHER little boys... and girls... but not Toby's"
"Oh ok, if they're someone else's thats fine"
"....OOOOHHHH Cubism!!"
Love.
And then when I started to wake up and he got bored of reading and realized I was actually awake...:
"Go outside and feed the birds maybe. Go outside and feed the birds and take the feeder down and put seed in it because so the birds can eat their lunch and then we hang it back up because it's...empty" He shrugged and wrinkled his nose.
"I don't think we would hang it up if it was empty Toby, that's why we took it down to put seed in it"
"But THEN because the birds eat their lunch and we go out and give them the seeds and then it's ampty and we have to go put more in"
"Well, yes when the birds eat it all we put more seed in, but I think we actually did that yesterday so we don't need to feed them today."
"Huh...hmmm...*squints out the window* OH! An oak tree! There's an oak tree way back there! Look mommy!"
"Yeah I think most of the trees out there are maple trees Toby"
"There was an oak tree waaaaaaaay back in the field and that's where the jet was I mean that's where the jet lived and sometimes when we go in the field then they can fly over our house"
He paused at this point and got the 'poop look' on his face.
"Are you pooping Toby?"
Another pause.
"Nope. You not pooping you have a bit of gas in your diaper and the pee. Just pee and gas in your diaper because you a bit gassy but not pooping."
I nearly died laughing. He's looking at me like... what....And I'm turning blue in the face trying not laugh to hard at him.
So what is it that makes one kid 'tick' differently than another? People say that boys are slower at vocabulary than girls, but Toby never had trouble with words. People say that their two year old speaks maybe 10 words and poor sentences, so how does their brain develop differently than Toby's? Is it mostly genetic? Is it mostly the daily conversation babies hear until they can talk?
Well, whatever has clicked inside Toby's head has clicked full gear and he seems to be spilling forth all the streams of consciousness that have been in his head for the last year.
Sometimes life is fun with a little running commentary.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)