The Suckiest Day That Ever Sucked

Toby had a doctors appointment today for a pre-op physical so he can get anesthesia next week for his dental work.
The plan was: Appointment, Lunch with Jeff downtown, Zehrs, home.

What actually happened was this:
Show up at appointment EXACTLY on time, not earlier because I know they usually get behind before lunch, and this was my small attempt to minimize wait time without being 'late'.
Toby is delightfully springy and goes right over to the books and toys (we haven't been to the doctors in well over a year, since he had his last shots, but he still seemed comfortable enough).
I hand over Toby's health card and go to sit down when the girl at reception goes "Umm... this is expired."
"Uhhhh, what?"
"His card expired in November....2010...."
"Seriously??!!! I never received ANYTHING in the mail about renewing it... I didn't even think to check.."
"Hold on we'll call OHIP and see if he's still in the system. Otherwise he's not going to be covered for his appointment today"

Fantastic.

So we read books. And they made some phone calls. And I was informed that Toby was no longer covered by OHIP. And that the appointment should be less that $75 because that was the adult rate...
I asked if they took Mastercard.
They said that they could only take cash because usually they don't deal with payments directly at the office.
I said oh.
They said I could run to the bank or something after, they'd trust me for it.
I said I didn't even know what I had in my account and I might have to go find my mom downtown.
They said that was fine, I could come in later this week too if I needed. I should get reimbursed once his health card was renewed.

I'm nearly in tears at this point and my heart rate has skyrocketed and the pain in my chest that never really went away from last week is now threatening to make a comeback.
I sat down and read to Toby, trying desperately not to make my voice show how frustrated I am for the rest of the waiting room to hear.
We read.
And read.
And read.
And read.
It's now been an hour beyond our appointment time.
We read another book.
They finally called us in.
Toby now wants nothing to do with being here. We had talked about standing on the scale just like at home, and seeing how tall he was, just like at home.
Except the scale in the doctors office has a big stick thing coming out of the back, and thus is NOTHING like the one at home. Toby screamed. Toby sobbed.
I'm beyond pissed now, and just want to get this over with so I force him back on and beg him to just stand still for 30 seconds. He leeches to my leg.
The girl quietly says that she can weigh me and then I can hold him for the difference. So I stand on the scale and Toby screams like I've just jumped off the side of a boat. He thankfully doesn't try to climb on me, so they actually got a weight. I then picked up Toby and he sobbed the whole time they weighed us.
Then they had to see how tall he was. I had to pin him against the wall with my leg.
Then they had to take his blood pressure, except now he's completely worked up.
So I had to let him nurse to calm down so they could velcro the cuff around his arm.
Then the doctor came in, and he seemed just as tired and hungry as us. He tried to listen to Toby's heart, which is hard when the person you are trying to listen to is screaming MUMMY PICK ME UP, even though he's already in my lap.
Finally we got out of there.
At this point it was now too late to meet Jeff for lunch because he had to work, but we went to Brewery Bay anyway because we both needed a break. I called my mom when we were there and vented my anger at the day and asked if she could go to the bank so I could take money back to the doctor's office.

After lunch we went to the licencing office to get Toby's card renewed.
We didn't have to wait long, thank goodness.
The lady asked if I had filled out the forms. I said no, because I was just sent here from my doctor's office.
She gave the form to me, I filled it out, she asked for two pieces of ID... and...oh.... Do you have his birth certificate on you?
Um, no.
Well, apparently they need to verify citizenship before issuing a health card EVEN THOUGH HE HAS ONE ALREADY WHICH HE NEEDED HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE TO APPLY FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE SO CLEARLY HE'S AN ONTARIO CITIZEN.

To quote Homer Simpson: "These guys are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."

Whatever.

We went back to the doctor's to give them the money.
We went to Zehrs to get groceries.
We spent way longer and way more money than anticipated, but now I hopefully won't have to do a major trip until after Christmas.
We picked up some empty cookie tins from Grandma-Net and Opa's, and had a nice break looking at their tree and light-up village.
Then we went home. In the dark.
4 people passed me on the way home, one tailing me for an unnecessary amount of time. (I'M SORRY FOR ONLY DOING 95 IN AN 80 IN THE PITCH DARK).
And upon getting home I realized I had forgotten to give the Christmas card to Grandma-Net and Opa that I had placed in my purse three days ago in anticipation of going there today.

I asked Toby if he wanted pasta or pizza for dinner.
He said pizza.
I made frozen gluten free pizza.
He came to the table, said 'No, not that' and began to pout.
Whatever. Don't eat. I'm hungry.
He eventually ate half a piece and some carrots and dip.

#is it bedtime yet?
#end rant

Stress Test

As mothers, you would think we are indestructible, but then often find out that this is not the case, and often too late.
Staying up late to finish cleaning, blogging, or catching up on TV shows; eating less healthy food and less of it than we feed our kids, taking advantage of kids no longer napping by spending longer shopping just to come home and non-stop make dinner etc. And add to it the mental stresses that we don't always consider. Things as simple as being behind on laundry or dishes, up to  legal and medical concerns.
It's like stacking triangle blocks on top of one another. It's barely possible, we feel like super-geniuses when we get it to work, and it's only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
My tower fell down on Thursday.

Toby had a dentist appointment. Previous experiences had not gone well.
Toby has very badly decayed front teeth from lack of brushing at an early age (due to breath holding and screaming blue murder when the mere suggestion of shoving a fuzzy stick in his mouth was brought into the room.) Also we believe he is like me in that there is a high rate of acid in his mouth naturally, which likes to go after starches and turns them into sugars against the teeth.
Brushing has since gotten a lot better with the implementation of a sticker-per-brush system on a calendar. We've gone from brushing maybe 5 times a month, to only about 5 missed days a month.
But, needless to say, tooth brushing does not 'cure' cavities. It's clear he's in pain when he's brushing and his gums were becoming swollen.
He had seen a few dentists and had several screaming matches before being referred to Kids Dentistry in Barrie.
They are awesome. I love it there.
Toby still didn't want anyone to come near him, but because they are used to having kids in there, we got around it. They talked about capping his teeth instead of pulling them, which was a huge relief to me. Then he walked out of the room, came back, and said "We actually have a date to do this in about a week and a half."
My first thought was 'Good, get it over with. No more waiting'.
But then when they started getting me to sign ten different pieces of paper granting permission for the procedure, and telling me that I had to get him to a doctor for a physical as soon as possible, and all the requirements for bringing him in the morning he's scheduled, I could feel myself taking slow deliberate breaths as my hands started to sweat.
We went to the health food store in Barrie and got a snack for Toby for being 'good' (meaning he allowed me to enter the building with him and didn't cry the WHOLE time) and a gluten free pizza kit for dinner because I knew I wouldn't be able to think when I got home.
On the way home I kept sighing and muttering "ooooh booooy" to myself, seemingly an involuntary outburst.
I felt lightheaded and my stomach grumbled. I ate one of Toby's crackers and found a mint in my glove compartment to eat.
We got home, and inside, and my stomach was feeling more 'pit like'. I ate a handful of almonds but it didn't help. I turned the oven on for the pizzas and started cutting pepper to go on it. Toby climbed up on his chair next to me and nattered away while I figured out pizza stuff. I was frustrated that eating and drinking wasn't helping my stomach, and I was finding it hard to concentrate and the zillion things Toby was telling me. I rubbed my stomach and wondered if the mint I had in the car was reacting weirdly with my empty stomach.
Then the pain got sharp and tight all at once. It moved up the left side of my chest and shot across my back. I was leaning on the counter breathing slowly and deliberately, telling myself that as soon as I got something good to eat I'd feel better.
Toby announced that he pooped right as i was getting the pizzas in the oven. I fumbled my way, hunched over, to the couch to change him. My dad came home in the middle of this an asked if I was ok. I said no.
I asked if he could find me some Tums, and I made some chamomile tea.
The Tums didn't do anything.
The pizza was finally ready, but eating it didn't help, although it didn't make me feel worse or nauseous.
I have had chest pain like this before. In college my teacher panicked when she saw me rubbing my chest and all but laying across the desk and sent me down to the college clinic, which when sent me to the hospital to get a heart monitor. I felt better about an hour after all that and of course the heart monitor didn't pick up anything.
I've had little jabs of pain that feel like mastitis, although it's always the left side. My heart flutters occasionally, but I've been told that that's normal.
But this, this was lasting for up to two hours now, and I was finding it hard to do much of anything. My dad took Toby upstairs and I had a hot bath. I immediately felt better, though still dull pains everywhere. My stomach growled again and felt like it 'settled'.
I would have just wrote if off ad indigestion if it hadn't been for the chest pains.
When I stood up out of my bath my heart started pounding again and I was light headed.
I didn't want to go in to Emerg at 9 at night, because I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, and it would have messed up Toby's sleep schedule too.
I talked to my mom who said it was probably an anxiety attack, and that she's had things like that before, and it just takes a few days to go away.
I've had panic attacks, but not in this manner. I"m usually an out-of-control hyperventalating mess, but I felt pretty calm, aside from my skyrocketing heart rate.
In the morning I was still exhausted and still had dull chest pain. I tried calling my doctors office but they are on vacation until next week. The after hours clinic wasn't open on fridays. I finally convinced my mom that I wanted to go to emerg, just to make sure things were ok.
Toby went to work with her and I got dropped off at the hospital. My mom does picture framing, so she works with pliers and screwdrivers and eyelets and wire and stickers all day, which was right up Toby's alley. Apparently he was the perfect little helper all morning.
I didn't take long in the waiting room because it was still early and not many people had piled up.
I got led to a private room, instead of the long curtained hall way with all the beds where 'simple' problems go. So right away I'm thinking 'oh great'.
It took another half an hour for the doctor to come, so I curled up on the bed and slept.
I was expecting an abrupt male doctor like I had last time I was in for mastitis, but I ended up with a very motherly female doctor who was patient and listened to what I had to say and I felt really comfortable with. After talking to me she said I had none of the triggers for blood clots or heart problems, but the fact that the pain was lasting so long was a concern so she ordered blood tests, ECG and x-rays. The blood tests take 45 minutes to get results to I was to expect to be there for over an hour. Fine by me, I'm gonna sleep.
Everything actually went pretty fast. I got sent to a couple different rooms, donning my glamorous hospital gown. A nurse even came in and asked if i wanted a blanket and the lights off, and I said better not because then I really will fall asleep and probably shouldn't at the moment.
Finally the doctor came back and said that everything was returned normal. There's a possibility it would be a lasting pulled muscle, although I hadn't been very active the previous few days. Then she said that stress can do a lot of funny things to the body, even if we don't think that's what it is. I had told her about all the things piling up, and now this sudden major dentist trip, and she said that it could have been stress that brought on the upset stomach, on top of being hungry, and causing a muscle spasm that ran across my chest.
I said I just wanted to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack and going to die tomorrow. She assured me again that they didn't see any blood clots or fluid in my lungs and that ti should be just muscle bruising.
She prescribed me some anti anxiety medication for 'just in case'. I still am debating whether I actually go get them. But it's good to know I can I guess.
I watched movies with Toby the rest of that afternoon and snoozed on the couch for about two hours. I went to bed with Toby and 8 30 and didn't get up until almost 9 today because Toby actually slept in.
Today I've been better, but now in the evening I'm feeling the tightness in my back and left side again.
There's still a lot to do and a lot to get ready for and a lot of phone calls to make.
But I'm moving at a slower pace.
And maybe that's a lesson for all of us to just take the time to sit down, close our eyes and breathe.
Before it's too late.

Today Has Been Brought to You by the Letter S and the Number 3

(So this was actually yesterday, but I didn't have time to finish writing last night)

-Look, there's Snow!
- We can go Shovel it!
- Look out mom while I Stab your eye to make you wake up faster
- Sob-Screaming commences after mom expresses her displeasure at being Stabbed in the face
- Stumble out of bed
- After a long and whiny morning, Toby insists he wants to go Sledding.
- Refuses to put Snowpants on
- Settle for insulated 'outside' pants, with the understanding that we can't play in the snow because they won't keep us dry.
- Look, Mommy is wearing HER nice Snowpants....
- 'Shooing' the cats proves to be more fun than doing any actual Snow Stuff
- Please Stop Toby
- Sly and impish behavior brings on threats of a time-out
- Stomping and Screaming commences
- Here Toby, let's SHOVEL!
- Shovel becomes new 'Shooing' instrument for cats.
- Mom attempts to distract by trying to build another Snowman
- Toby remembers he wanted to go Sledding
- Mom insists that we need to have on Snowpants for that activity
- Toby insists that mom needs to get the Sleds out
- Mom says fine, but we're not using them until Snowpants are donned.
- On the way to finding Sled, mini Snowshoes are found
- Toby wants to go Snowshoeing
- Toby decides he does not want to go Snowshoeing
- Mom resumes finding Sleds. Digs out two flying Saucers
- Toby insists that these are not Sleds
- Mom clarifies that we've never had an actual Sled, and that this is what we slide down hills on.
- Toby clarifies that he wants a Sled ride
- Mom realizes he is actually talking about his SLEIGH. Mood improves.
- Find child's Sleigh in attic.
- Drag Toby around the yard on Sleigh
- Great entertainment in the fact that the Sleigh is 'Scooting' the Snow out of the way
- Cats decide Sleigh is a point of interest.
- Toby resumes 'Shooing' attack on cats.
- Mom warns that cats find things like that Scary, and further warns of oncoming time-out
- Shooing and Screaming at cats continues.
- Mom leaves to sit on time-out Step
- Toby Screams
- Mom says that if we can't leave the cats alone or have a time-out then we go inSide
- Warning falls on deaf ears as Shooing resumes.
- Mom goes inSide
- Toby Screams
- Mom Shrugs
- Toby Sobs
- Mom removes Snow boots
- Toby insists he wants to Stay outSide
- Mom says that's fine, if we first Sit on the Step for two minutes and apologize to the cats for being
- Toby Screams
- Mom removes Scarf
- Toby Slams door
- Mom removes Soggy clothes from raging toddler
- Toby wants to Sleep
- Silly mom takes Suggestion Seriously
- End up Sitting and nursing in living room
- Mom's Stomach growls
- Toby Scowls
- Mom decides that empty Stomachs are what is causing the mood
- Mom heats up leftover Stir-fry and pasta, ignoring Screaming toddler at her ankles
- Everyone's mood improves after Stir-fry
- Movies and Snacks are had while mom Snoozes on couch
- After Snooze, Toby wants to go outside again
- Discussion is had about the 'Shooing' of cats
- Promises are made to not Shoo
- Reminders Still needed to be issued, but a more 'normal' outside experience is had
- Come in to make rice and tofu Stir-fry for dinner
- After dinner is made, Toby asks for Sushi
- Mom says no, then looks at Stir-fry, then thinks Sure why not
- Hot rice and tofu is Spread on last two remaining pieces of Seaweed
- Big Sigh of relief when bedtime arrives

3 = Number of years I've been flying by the seat of my pants
3 = The dawning of The Age of The Tester

Top 25

Well thanks again guys for voting me into the top 25 Canadian mom blogs for Circle of Moms!

I suppose now I actually have to post some quality stuff lol.

Perhaps to honour the theme I'll post the top 25 reasons why living in Canada is awesome.
These are in no particular order, other than the order I thought of them in.

1. Seasons. I have a friend in the States who rubs it in my face that it's 'summer' there year-round. But then  you don't get the excitement of Spring, the true appreciation of Summer, the colours of Fall, or the magic of Winter.

2. Free health care. Yes, everyone says it, but I can't imagine receiving doctor's bills for things like routine checkups or child birth.
3. Endless travel and experiences without leaving the country. As the Molson Canadian ads put it "We have more square feet of awesomeness per person, than any other country on Earth."

4. The Molson Canadian ads
5. Our Niagara Falls is better.
6. Tim Horton's
7. 1 year  Maternity Leave is standard.
8. Hockey. I don't follow it, but you can't deny what it is.

9. Music. If you've ever watched the Junos and reacted with "What? THEY are Canadian??", then there you go. Micheal Buble anyone? Men Without Hats (Safety Dance)? Drake? Hedley? Three Days Grace? Barenaked Ladies? Yeah, those guys who wrote the theme song to hit American TV show Big Bang Theory, Canadian.

10. Quality children's television. Kids CBC and TVO Kids are, in my opinion, the best run and most educational children's TV sessions around. I haven't seen much from the States, but most of it is either in-your-face nauseating or horrifically 'cute'. Nothing will ever compare to Fred Penner or Mr. Dressup.

11. Ketchup chips.

12. We can make fun of ourselves. Not often is there a country that, when made fun of, laughs along with a "Yeah that's totally true, eh?"
13. Democracy. The freedom to choose and voice your opinion.

14. Nation-wide same-sex marriage legalization. 

15. The many things that Canadians have invented that are common place in the world today. Basketball, Goalie mask, Standard time zones, Insulin, green plastic garbage bag, peanut butter, and the electron microscope, to name a few.
16. Poutine.
17. We can say "I love Beavers" with a straight face.

18. Having worldwide acceptance as travelers. I thought it was a myth, but when I was in Italy I kept having people ask me if I had any Canadian Flag pins to give to friends or to wear to show their shop customers they like Canadians.

19. Canadian Actors. We may not have as many as other countries, but we cherish them and they are full of true talent.
20. Real. Maple. Syrup.
21. Don't care what the rest of the world says, The North Pole is in the Canadian Arctic. Santa is our homeboy.

22. Not having to write SATs.
23. Our beloved 'monopoly money'

24. Canadians are tougher. Colder winters, younger drinking ages, lax movie censorship ratings, legal marijuana. 

25. We have rocks... and trees.... and trees... and rocks. And rocks, and trees and trees and rocks and waterrrrrr. (Bonus points if you know who I'm quoting)

Ok bed time!! That took far too long!

New Snow

I wouldn't label myself as a 'Snow Person.'

I don't hate it enough to move to another country, but I also don't like being cold and wading through muddy slush in February.

I like a white Christmas, but after that I don't care for it much.

Although the last few years I've been forced to have a positive outlook on the winter weather so that Toby doesn't develop a pre-conceived notion that snow sucks.

And so this morning Toby's first reaction to seeing a white blanket on our grass was: "We can get our SNOW SHOVELS OUT!!"

You can't help but smile and get caught up int he enthusiasm.

He still in opposed to him snow pants, although by the end of last winter he was a pro star at letting me put them on. Today we wore slush pants and winter boots. Not looking forward to the snowpant battle, but it will be fine eventually.

We hurried outside and found the shovels and he immediately started flinging snow in every direction. 

Winter: The time of year when the whole world becomes a garden. Dig it up as you please.

 He kept running around like this with his eyes closed because the snow kept hitting him the eyes.

 And since you only get a few good days of packing snow before it gets too cold, we built a snow man.

It felt like Christmas today. I was all giddy and excited and wanted to just bake and wrap presents and drink hot chocolate. Then I realized that I should save some of that enthusiasm up for the long months ahead.

Good luck surviving the winter everyone!

Poop, and Other Jokes

Toby has come of the age where 'poop' is the funniest thing anyone can say, and the funniest punchline to any joke he tells.

He makes up words and phrases and changes the first letter of every word until they sound hilarious.

'Piffins and priffins' was one of the early ones. Dear knows what it means but when he was two he went through a phase where he would daily walk up to me and ask "Mom, did you know about the piffins and priffins?" And I would ask what he meant and he would cackle and run away.

Over the last couple months his funniest jokes were when he turned whatever I said into a negative.
"Toooooobyyyyy I love you"
"NO YOU DONT! DONT SAY THAT!"
"Yes I doooooooooooo and you love me tooooo"
"NO I DONT! DONT SAY THAT WORD!" *runs away laughing*

"Mmm this dinner sure is yummy!"
"NO! It ISN'T! It's poopy!" *proceeds to eat with gusto and a cheeky grin*

Lately now, when I say something to him he'll cock his head sideways as though he didn't hear me properly and ask if I said something completely nonsensical.
"Hey Toby, can you get the little scoop out of the drawer?"
"....Did you say 'scoop'? Or 'poop'?"
" I said SCOOP Toby, you heard me"

"I think I hear Opa mowing the grass"
"...Did you say 'mowing?' Or 'flowing'?
"Yes, he's flowing the grass........"

"We can go outside when we're done eating"
"....Did you say 'eating'? Or 'feeting'?"

This discovery of replacing consonants to make life WAY more hilarious has spilled into full scentences when I have no idea what he's saying.
"Pooing, plithing, pruding, pofu, parrot, pin the par"
...........Something about a tofu carrot in the car? Or parrot poop?....

Yet with all the poop jokes, he still gets terribly offended if I ask him if he needs a diaper change. He sometimes will sit on the toilet and go, but it's usually after my suggestion after reading his signs. Sometimes I'll ask if he needs to use the washroom and he says no through a strained red face. Other times I"ll just look over at him and he'll say 'NO DON'T LOOK AT ME'. I'm trying not to push it, we have time.

Trying to allow him to keep an open vocabulary with  me, versus what is acceptable to say in public or even around other people in the house is becoming a fine line to tread on. I don't want to snuff out the word 'poop' but I also don't need: "MOM? ARE YOU GOING POOP??" shouted across the house as I leave to go to the bathroom.

The little monkey will be 3 in two weeks. Pretty crazy. And the older he gets the more he understands. Although I doubt 'poop' will lose it's hilarity any time soon.

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End note: Thanks to those who have voted for me in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Canadian Mom Blogs contest!! If you're not on facebook you might not have been following the progress. You can go to the link below and vote once a day until November 17th!!

http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/one-plus-one?blogroll_id=41

Halloween

I love Halloween. Most people know that. I don't love it in the sense of wanting to scare to poocicles out of young children... I"m not a fan of horror movies and don't care much for gore... But there's something about the stereotypical fairy tale witches and wizards, black cats and bats, and spiders and skeletons that I LOVE.

I love dressing up. I love being creative. I love Halloween baking. We implemented a Halloween Tree in our house for decorations because it's creepily fantastic without being scary.

I had long dreamed of dressing a baby in magnificently adorable Halloween costumes each year. I have costume patterns that I bought long before I was even pregnant. Fairies, Pirates, Scarecrows, Witches.... I had to stop myself from making them all before I even knew if I was having a girl or a boy.

And then I was blessed with a child who greatly dislikes clothing..

Halloween #1 wasn't too bad. He was almost a year old and crawling, and although the addition of a vest with a turtle shell sewn to it was a slight nuisance at first, it quickly was dismissed as outerwear and donned for a long period of time.

Halloween 2009

Halloween #2 was slightly more difficult. It was a struggle to get him to wear jeans instead of pajamas, but we made a big deal about his Farmer Vest being the coolest thing on the face of the planet and eventually he agreed.

Halloween 2010

This Halloween I knew I was in for a battle. All year he's been fighting the notion of wearing pants or anything that resembles a nice shirt. I have two or three pairs of pants that he's deemed comfortable enough to wear in public, but wont go near jeans or khakis with a ten foot pole.

This year his interest lay more with construction than farming. He has a yellow hard hat that he already wears everywhere, so i figured I'd make him an orange vest and he could be a construction dude.
Then he was introduced to Bob The Builder. The obsession escalated and I thought 'Perfect! Same general idea as mine, but now a more focused Halloween costume!!'
I pitched the idea to Toby and he seemed enthusiastic. We went to Value Village for overalls and an orange shirt. I made him a tool belt. We hyped it up for ages.
Except that whenever it was suggested he try on his costume, he politely declined. Once I got his arms in the shirt but when I tried to button it up he immediately burst into tears and tried to rip it off.
On Halloween day my mom convinced him to try on the overalls, but the shirt and tool belt were a no-go. He muttered and complained the whole time but mom got a picture for me as proof of a half-victory.

 Halloween 2011

We hadn't planned to go out Trick-or-Treating because the last year had been short lived. Late, dark, cold walks are not high on Toby's 'like' list.

I knew we were staying home to hand out our treat bags so I wasn't too hyper about getting him dressed up. I just wished he'd wear it.
He wore his skeleton pajamas (that he's been able to wear for three years now) and a hard hat.... We drove to visit a friend's house and stayed there for a while.... And that was about the extent of it.

I'm sure it's a phase. I"m sure he'll like dressing up some day. Or maybe he won't.
Some people say that after age three things get easier. Some people say they had 'terrible threes' and not 'twos'.
Maybe I should just take a page out of Toby's book and realize that it's not how you appear, but your attitude that counts.
Only 363 days until next Halloween!! :)