Thinking about the whole Toby drama thing... and a thought came to me... A comparison of actions...An analogy....albeit maybe an extreme one...but one that hits it for me..
Why do I want Toby to go to school? Because I just...want him to. I want him to enjoy it like I did. I want him to make friends. I don't want to let people down by taking him out. I want him to be 'normal'.
Why doesn't he want to go? Because, he's told me over and over, there are too many kids. It's too noisy. And so it's not fun.
I tell him/myself that he'll grow out of it. He'll come around. He'll get used to it. It's fun when you're there, you've just forgotten.
But now... What if, instead of talking about school, we were talking about him being gay.
Would I still say those things to him? No. If his future-self confided in me and I said "I hear you, but you're wrong, don't worry you'll come around." what kind of a person would that make me?
School shapes your whole life, and right now, to him, school means stress and anxiety and fighting with mom. Do I want that?
Yes, he's 5. Yes he might change his mind about school. But is it worth ignoring his feelings right now?
Food for thought.