Yes, this blog is about what you think it's about, and if you choose to stop reading, I won't be offended. I'm on a rant. And it's long. With multiple links to look at.
Blurred Lines. Robin Thicke. Where do I start?
I never liked the song. It's not my kind of music to begin with, so I ignored it. Then it started getting played a lot. Then people started complaining. Then I started listening to see what the fuss was about.
As one post I found on Tumblr states: "'Blurred Lines' is catchy in the same way 'Ring Around The Rosie' is catchy before you learn it's about the plague..."
As if the lyrics weren't cryptically bad enough, the music video is worse. Lame dancing on a blank background with scantily clad women supposedly taking humour in having their hair tugged and smoke blown in their face. Supposedly the video director was a woman. I'm not sure what she was thinking. Maybe it was supposed to be funny somehow. But it's not really.
If it's not outwardly obvious, 'blurred lines' refers to the supposed blurred line between consent and assault. Mr. Thicke appears to "hate these blurred lines" as he and his co-stars eye up their surroundings in the music video.
One might even be tempted to say that perhaps it's the girls' fault for dressing that way. One might be tempted to say that acting like that is 'asking for it'.
And there is where you've fallen into the trap. It's always the girl's fault, right? Never the men who act on impulse..
I turn your attention to this article which I'm sure most of you have seen as it's been circulating the internet to mixed reviews. The FYI (if you're a teenage girl) post by Kim Hall started out as a 'point taken' type rant about the types of photos teenage girls are putting online. She raises good points about how you never know who is looking at your stuff. Maybe not hackers, but family members of yours and your friends. Keeping a certain online image IS important, especially at a young age.
However her post turns preachy and accusatory when she starts saying that she's had to make her sons block these girls' profiles. There are apparently 'no second chances' with behavior like that - behavior that will make her sons 'linger' over their profiles and hinder their chances of growing up to be men with a 'strong moral compass'.
My reaction is... don't you trust your sons to make good decisions? Do you REALLY think that other people's online profiles are going to change their lives that drastically? Do you have THAT LITTLE faith in the way you raised them that you don't think they might end up figuring it all out in the end?
And again, of course, it must be the girl's fault. Since clearly you've trained your sons to only see a scantily clad object, and to avert their eyes. You can't hide from the whole world. So maybe learn to see through it.
Which leads me to this post. I'm not sure if this was written as a reaction to the previous one, or if it was independent, but Seeing a Woman is an example of what more people need to be teaching their sons. The father writing this article admits that, yes, some girls dress like that, but no, that doesn't make them less of a person. "It's a women's responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being, regardless of what she is wearing".
I think, all too often, boys are let off easy because 'boys will be boys'. Which sometimes is fine, it's part of growing up, but to never have it taught that girls are human, regardless of what they look like (both drool-worthy super model and the bullied nerd) is I think where this whole system falls flat.
Back to Mr. Thicke.
The problem with his song/video is it caters to this whole culture of people who believe women are there for amusement. It sounds old-timey and backwards, but there are indeed people out there cheering this song on. It also helps along the points of those people like Mrs. Hall about badly behaved men are that way because of being egged on by scantily clad women.
But because it's created so much controversy, it's listened to/viewed/downloaded for the simple sake of people knowing it's popular, or people like me who are finally giving in to seeing what all the fuss is about.
His music video on Youtube has over 177 Million views. The unrated (full nudity) version has over 20 million.
His performance with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs has over 3 million views.
His music video on itunes is sitting in 4th. Nicely nestled between Miley Cyrus's latest two videos.
The popularity of the song has little to do with how 'good' it is, it's simply because he's created a buzz. But because of that he's raking in the royalties every time it's heard/watched/bought.
Here's where things get even more touchy.. and here's where discretion to keep reading is up to you.
Project Unbreakable is an online project that was started in 2011 by a woman named Grace Brown. She is a young photographer who wanted to crate a public space for assault/rape victims to share quotes or stories about their attackers, as publicly or anonymously as desired, to either help get it off their chest, or let others know they're not alone. The response to what started out as a collection of poignant photographs has been massive. She now gets people emailing her letters or pictures of quotes. She goes on tours to school campuses to collect photos of those willing to share. The database is now enormous.
Which in one way is great, because so many people are being moved by it. But on the other hand... look at how many people there are...And why are there so many...
A few days ago (trigger/mature subject matter) this post showed up online. The author pulls lines from Mr. Thicke's song and pairs them to real-life attacker quotes posted on Project Unbreakable.
This is where you start to go...oh.
This is where you start to really realize that it's maybe not just a quirky little song.
In a world full of progress and equality, and songs like 'Roar', 'Same Love', 'Inner Ninja' and 'Brave', it's sometimes hard to believe that songs that feel the need to 'blur the lines' between ok and offensive are still out in the mainstream.
It's hard to protect kids from that. But maybe the trick is to just let them experience it, and then make them understand why it's not acceptable.
Don't teach them to shut the world out.
Don't tempt them by forbidding every offensive or provocative thing in their path.
Teach them to think.
Teach them to look past it.
Teach them to 'love with' instead of 'love at'.
Teach them to be their own person, as long as it's not hurting those around them.
Yes, sure, teach your girls to dress appropriate, but please also teach your boys that when they maybe don't, it's not an invitation.
Teach them that 'these blurred lines' are actually quite solid. As solid and as simple as a 'yes' or a 'no'.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
The View From Car
Toby has never been good in the car. His first time in the car was maybe the only time he was ok. He whimpered. He fell asleep.
The next few times in the car he was fine in the car seat, but then as soon as we pulled out of the driveway he shrieked, he bellowed, he wailed... I turned up the radio and he quieted.
After that though... after that was miserable. So much so I dreaded going to doctors appointments or grocery shopping or visiting, because that meant 20 minutes to town and 20 minutes home.
As he got older it got better. I could give him a snack or a drink and not need to stop every 10 minutes to nurse just to get him to calm down. Later when he was forward-facing I started talking non-stop about the things out the window just to keep him distracted. A Tractor! A cow! A horse! A buldozer! A cloud! Corn!
Eventually we braved the three hour drive to Stratford for a visit. The three hour drive took us about 4 and a half hours because of stopping every half hour to nurse and diaper change and re-assure and distract. We pointed out the farms and the John Deere dealership and the Kubota dealership and the cows and the sheep and the wind turbines in Shelburne....
I have often thought about, and often had suggested to me, why don't you just get a portable DVD player?
I was tempted. I sometimes still am. But the more I think about it, especially for a kid like Toby, the more uncomfortable with the idea I become.
I know him. I know he loves TV. And we don't really watch a lot of TV. The only movies he's ever seen are Cars, Wall-e, and Robots. He likes Mighty Machines. He likes Franklin. He likes Magic School Bus.
I know that he likes these things so much that he will go out of his way to find excuses to watch any of these things. And if I let him watch a movie on a long trip, he's going to ask for it on a simple trip to town. It's another thing to argue over. And yes I could make it clear that it's only for long trips, but if I only use it 2 times a year, is it worth buying?
I totally get when and why you would want a DVD player in the car...but I also don't think that watching more TV is what car rides should be about. Car rides should be about learning direction. Learning landmarks. Tucking things away in the long-term memory banks. Car rides should be about playing games as a family when you're bored. About singing loudly and terribly to the radio, even if all your speakers are used to emitting is Fred Penner.
When Toby was 2 we were showing a friend of ours our photo albums - a favourite pass-time of Toby's. He would flip pages and spew out some articulate toddler gibberish, and then turn the page again. We got to our Stratford trip and our friend asked "Hey Toby, what are these?" "Dindmills" "Wow windmills, those are pret-" "Going round and round and round in Delburne *page turn*"
She looked up at me in amazement. He knows that?
Sometimes you don't realize how much kids absorb from what you say or where you go when they seem to small to understand. If I stuck a movie in he wouldn't care about the windmills. He would get bored.
On the way home now he'll say "There's the tractor store, half way home!" "There's Ego's market, we're at the 9th!" "There's the Store, home is over the hill, right mom?"
He now has a 70 minute bus ride to school to deal with twice a day. I felt sick to my stomach on his behalf, knowing that he relied on snacks and music usually to keep him going. He still gets restless and impatient in the car, even with distractions. He threw up half way home on his first day of school and has greeted me off the bus with a scowl everyday since then. It usually takes half an hour and a snack before he's over it. I've been toying with driving him to school, but I know that will get old for me pretty quick, and it's harder for him to leave me once I'm there with him. It wasn't until we drove up to the school yesterday for Open House that I felt better about it all...
"MOM! That's the bumpy road the bus goes down!" "I know this bridge, the bus goes over it!" "That's the house with the red canoe, our bus comes up here too!" "That's the road where we drop some kids off!"
I was so relieved... So very relieved that things aren't as bad as his mood depicts at the end of the day. He knows how to entertain himself on a long drive. He's memorized landmarks. He knows the way.
And I really do believe that it's because we don't watch TV in the car. It excites him, instead of bores him, to learn about new places. Maybe my little non-traveler will take these skills on the road some day...
The next few times in the car he was fine in the car seat, but then as soon as we pulled out of the driveway he shrieked, he bellowed, he wailed... I turned up the radio and he quieted.
After that though... after that was miserable. So much so I dreaded going to doctors appointments or grocery shopping or visiting, because that meant 20 minutes to town and 20 minutes home.
As he got older it got better. I could give him a snack or a drink and not need to stop every 10 minutes to nurse just to get him to calm down. Later when he was forward-facing I started talking non-stop about the things out the window just to keep him distracted. A Tractor! A cow! A horse! A buldozer! A cloud! Corn!
Eventually we braved the three hour drive to Stratford for a visit. The three hour drive took us about 4 and a half hours because of stopping every half hour to nurse and diaper change and re-assure and distract. We pointed out the farms and the John Deere dealership and the Kubota dealership and the cows and the sheep and the wind turbines in Shelburne....
I have often thought about, and often had suggested to me, why don't you just get a portable DVD player?
I was tempted. I sometimes still am. But the more I think about it, especially for a kid like Toby, the more uncomfortable with the idea I become.
I know him. I know he loves TV. And we don't really watch a lot of TV. The only movies he's ever seen are Cars, Wall-e, and Robots. He likes Mighty Machines. He likes Franklin. He likes Magic School Bus.
I know that he likes these things so much that he will go out of his way to find excuses to watch any of these things. And if I let him watch a movie on a long trip, he's going to ask for it on a simple trip to town. It's another thing to argue over. And yes I could make it clear that it's only for long trips, but if I only use it 2 times a year, is it worth buying?
I totally get when and why you would want a DVD player in the car...but I also don't think that watching more TV is what car rides should be about. Car rides should be about learning direction. Learning landmarks. Tucking things away in the long-term memory banks. Car rides should be about playing games as a family when you're bored. About singing loudly and terribly to the radio, even if all your speakers are used to emitting is Fred Penner.
When Toby was 2 we were showing a friend of ours our photo albums - a favourite pass-time of Toby's. He would flip pages and spew out some articulate toddler gibberish, and then turn the page again. We got to our Stratford trip and our friend asked "Hey Toby, what are these?" "Dindmills" "Wow windmills, those are pret-" "Going round and round and round in Delburne *page turn*"
She looked up at me in amazement. He knows that?
Sometimes you don't realize how much kids absorb from what you say or where you go when they seem to small to understand. If I stuck a movie in he wouldn't care about the windmills. He would get bored.
On the way home now he'll say "There's the tractor store, half way home!" "There's Ego's market, we're at the 9th!" "There's the Store, home is over the hill, right mom?"
He now has a 70 minute bus ride to school to deal with twice a day. I felt sick to my stomach on his behalf, knowing that he relied on snacks and music usually to keep him going. He still gets restless and impatient in the car, even with distractions. He threw up half way home on his first day of school and has greeted me off the bus with a scowl everyday since then. It usually takes half an hour and a snack before he's over it. I've been toying with driving him to school, but I know that will get old for me pretty quick, and it's harder for him to leave me once I'm there with him. It wasn't until we drove up to the school yesterday for Open House that I felt better about it all...
"MOM! That's the bumpy road the bus goes down!" "I know this bridge, the bus goes over it!" "That's the house with the red canoe, our bus comes up here too!" "That's the road where we drop some kids off!"
I was so relieved... So very relieved that things aren't as bad as his mood depicts at the end of the day. He knows how to entertain himself on a long drive. He's memorized landmarks. He knows the way.
And I really do believe that it's because we don't watch TV in the car. It excites him, instead of bores him, to learn about new places. Maybe my little non-traveler will take these skills on the road some day...
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Wordless(ish) Wednesday
September 2009
September 2010
September 2011
September 2012
September 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
Today I saw...
Everyday Toby and see some pretty cool things either through the window or on adventures outside. I find I often take these things for granted because "it's just where we live".
Every day several of our conversations start with "Hey, did you see the____?" or "Wow, I found a_____!" or "Look the _____ is back!"
Today I decided to actually record everything we saw and heard.
Today I heard:
Several Field Crickets
2 Cicadas
2 chickadees
3 Toby sneezes
1 Granny sneeze
2 Catbirds
Various other calling birds
Leaves rustling
Trucks on the road
Airplanes flying over
Today I saw:
1 earwig
3 ants
4 houseflies
6 honey bees
10 bumble bees
16 mating Japanese beetles
2 female Hummingbirds
1 male Hummingbird
1 weird hornet thing
4 paper wasps
1 large field cricket
1 baby field cricket
1 small airplane
1 helicopter
5 cabbage butterflies
1 Turkey Vulture
2 dueling spiders
1 hover fly
8 mosquitos
1 White Admiral
1 Silvery Blue butterfly
1 Mourning Cloak
2 fruit flies
1 Wren
1 Catbird
2 micro toads
1 Harvester (Daddy Long legs)
2 worms
2 millipedes
An assortment of tiny un-identifiable moths
6 spider webs
1 Skipper
28 Milkweed Tussok moth larvae
6 Turkey feathers
1 very active almost-5-year-old
Every day several of our conversations start with "Hey, did you see the____?" or "Wow, I found a_____!" or "Look the _____ is back!"
Today I decided to actually record everything we saw and heard.
Today I heard:
Several Field Crickets
2 Cicadas
2 chickadees
3 Toby sneezes
1 Granny sneeze
2 Catbirds
Various other calling birds
Leaves rustling
Trucks on the road
Airplanes flying over
Today I saw:
1 earwig
3 ants
4 houseflies
6 honey bees
10 bumble bees
16 mating Japanese beetles
2 female Hummingbirds
1 male Hummingbird
1 weird hornet thing
4 paper wasps
1 large field cricket
1 baby field cricket
1 small airplane
1 helicopter
5 cabbage butterflies
1 Turkey Vulture
2 dueling spiders
1 hover fly
8 mosquitos
1 White Admiral
1 Silvery Blue butterfly
1 Mourning Cloak
2 fruit flies
1 Wren
1 Catbird
2 micro toads
1 Harvester (Daddy Long legs)
2 worms
2 millipedes
An assortment of tiny un-identifiable moths
6 spider webs
1 Skipper
28 Milkweed Tussok moth larvae
6 Turkey feathers
1 very active almost-5-year-old
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
The Things That Come Out of His Mouth
We all know kids say the darndest things...But sometimes you wonder where the things they say come from.
I do my absolute best to answer any and all questions that Toby asks me, even if I don't really know the answer. Like if he asks how they make cars, I'll say something like "Well, i would imagine that a lot of different people would have to do different jobs...someone has to make all the plastic parts, someone has to sew all the fabric parts, and someone has to mold and make all the metal parts. And then they would have to follow some pretty tricky instructions to put it all together and make it work."
He may not 'understand' everything I say, but he's satisfied that I gave an effort. If I really don't know (Like how exactly they harvest bananas) we'll look it up online or at the library.
It amazes me that he even thinks to ask or say some of the things he does. Some of it is stuff that I've never thought of or questioned.
I think taking the questions seriously encourages conversation and narrative talking with kids. It teaches them to answer clearly when asked something and to elaborate if they can.
A lot of people ask if I'd ever home school, or if we do 'lessons' at home... and no, I don't think homeschooling will work for us, but we do have some really interesting impromptu lessons I guess. I don't sit down with him and say "today we're learning this", but it just all kind of comes out in the course of a day.
We take a walk and name trees and plants. We watch birds at the feeder and count and add and subtract as they come and go. We doodle and draw and I'll point out when a shape looks like a letter or number or symbol, which piques his curiosity and he asks how to write more letters. He helps me bake and cook and we talk about safety and colour and size and fractions. We do yoga or soccer and talk about body parts and balance and strength and energy. We read constantly and he understands phonics and syllables and rhyming words. He's taking piano lessons and within that he's learning sound, rhythm, counting, fractions and co-operation.
Now, seeing all the written out, maybe I shouldn't be questioning where all his questions come from. He's so used to learning that he just wants to know more.
I've been keeping a list over the last few months of things he's asked me or said and I've done my best to answer. Some of the things may not seem significant, but to a four year old who really doesn't 'need' to care about these things, it's pretty impressive that these are the things he comes up with.
-How to they make batteries?
-Do kangaroos have springs inside them?
-What does 'latest invention' mean?
- How do they make metal gates?
- From inside the car, the fireworks sounded like tap dancers.
- How does cold water turn to ice?
- How do they get the skins on bananas?
- What does 'substitute' mean?
- How do they make cars?
- How does the slot at the Library get the books back on the right shelves?
- How can airplanes fly if they don't flap their wings?
- My feet have super powers from all the food I eat.
- There's actually skeletons under there for scientists to find.
- How do you say __________ in French?
- How do they make utensils?
I feel that there is more... 100% there is more... just those are the ones I thought to record.
It blows my mind sometimes to listen to him. It definitely goes to show that kids absorb more than they often let on.
I do my absolute best to answer any and all questions that Toby asks me, even if I don't really know the answer. Like if he asks how they make cars, I'll say something like "Well, i would imagine that a lot of different people would have to do different jobs...someone has to make all the plastic parts, someone has to sew all the fabric parts, and someone has to mold and make all the metal parts. And then they would have to follow some pretty tricky instructions to put it all together and make it work."
He may not 'understand' everything I say, but he's satisfied that I gave an effort. If I really don't know (Like how exactly they harvest bananas) we'll look it up online or at the library.
It amazes me that he even thinks to ask or say some of the things he does. Some of it is stuff that I've never thought of or questioned.
I think taking the questions seriously encourages conversation and narrative talking with kids. It teaches them to answer clearly when asked something and to elaborate if they can.
A lot of people ask if I'd ever home school, or if we do 'lessons' at home... and no, I don't think homeschooling will work for us, but we do have some really interesting impromptu lessons I guess. I don't sit down with him and say "today we're learning this", but it just all kind of comes out in the course of a day.
We take a walk and name trees and plants. We watch birds at the feeder and count and add and subtract as they come and go. We doodle and draw and I'll point out when a shape looks like a letter or number or symbol, which piques his curiosity and he asks how to write more letters. He helps me bake and cook and we talk about safety and colour and size and fractions. We do yoga or soccer and talk about body parts and balance and strength and energy. We read constantly and he understands phonics and syllables and rhyming words. He's taking piano lessons and within that he's learning sound, rhythm, counting, fractions and co-operation.
Now, seeing all the written out, maybe I shouldn't be questioning where all his questions come from. He's so used to learning that he just wants to know more.
I've been keeping a list over the last few months of things he's asked me or said and I've done my best to answer. Some of the things may not seem significant, but to a four year old who really doesn't 'need' to care about these things, it's pretty impressive that these are the things he comes up with.
-How to they make batteries?
-Do kangaroos have springs inside them?
-What does 'latest invention' mean?
- How do they make metal gates?
- From inside the car, the fireworks sounded like tap dancers.
- How does cold water turn to ice?
- How do they get the skins on bananas?
- What does 'substitute' mean?
- How do they make cars?
- How does the slot at the Library get the books back on the right shelves?
- How can airplanes fly if they don't flap their wings?
- My feet have super powers from all the food I eat.
- There's actually skeletons under there for scientists to find.
- How do you say __________ in French?
- How do they make utensils?
I feel that there is more... 100% there is more... just those are the ones I thought to record.
It blows my mind sometimes to listen to him. It definitely goes to show that kids absorb more than they often let on.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Music Monday
Happy Music Monday!
As I write this, thousands of students and community members across Canada are simultaneously performing Is Somebody Singing to promote awareness for the importance of music education.
Starting in 2005, every first Monday in May has been turned into a celebration of music in Canada that community groups and educators get classes involved in by learning and presenting a 'theme song' that is chosen each year by the Coalition for Music Education.
But why music education? What do kids gain by just...singing?
It may just seem like singing, but the act of making art and music has direct influence on brain development, especially when exposed at a young age. One step further, education in music and the arts and learning to play an instrument has even greater impact on brain development.
Toby has been taking music/piano lessons for about 8 months now through the Music for Young Children program, and while I find it hard to get him to physically practice the piano, the amount of stuff he has learned and remembers is amazing.
Music stimulates long-term memory.
Music teaches patience.
Music teaches confidence.
Music teaches basic math skills through counting, fractions, addition and subtraction.
Music teaches listening.
Music formats the brain to better understand foreign languages.
Music teaches precision.
Music teaches pride in your work.
Music can draw autistic children out of their 'shell' or calm them down.
Music is fun.
Music is joy.
Cutting arts education out of our school curriculum is cutting out an entire method of learning. It would cease to acknowledge that people learn differently and that music and art awakens parts of your brain that are not used otherwise.
Start getting your kids to appreciate music as young as possible. Make it a normal part of your home life.
Sing in the car. Sing in the shower. Sing in the bath. Sing on a walk. Play music while you make dinner. Dance before bed.
'Fill the skies with Music'.
References:
http://www.musicmonday.ca/about/the-5-ws/
http://vcm.bc.ca/benefits-of-music/
http://autismdigest.com/autism-and-music-a-parents-guide/
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/science-sushi/2012/08/21/even-a-few-years-of-music-training-benefits-the-brain/
As I write this, thousands of students and community members across Canada are simultaneously performing Is Somebody Singing to promote awareness for the importance of music education.
Starting in 2005, every first Monday in May has been turned into a celebration of music in Canada that community groups and educators get classes involved in by learning and presenting a 'theme song' that is chosen each year by the Coalition for Music Education.
But why music education? What do kids gain by just...singing?
It may just seem like singing, but the act of making art and music has direct influence on brain development, especially when exposed at a young age. One step further, education in music and the arts and learning to play an instrument has even greater impact on brain development.
Toby has been taking music/piano lessons for about 8 months now through the Music for Young Children program, and while I find it hard to get him to physically practice the piano, the amount of stuff he has learned and remembers is amazing.
Music stimulates long-term memory.
Music teaches patience.
Music teaches confidence.
Music teaches basic math skills through counting, fractions, addition and subtraction.
Music teaches listening.
Music formats the brain to better understand foreign languages.
Music teaches precision.
Music teaches pride in your work.
Music can draw autistic children out of their 'shell' or calm them down.
Music is fun.
Music is joy.
Cutting arts education out of our school curriculum is cutting out an entire method of learning. It would cease to acknowledge that people learn differently and that music and art awakens parts of your brain that are not used otherwise.
Start getting your kids to appreciate music as young as possible. Make it a normal part of your home life.
Sing in the car. Sing in the shower. Sing in the bath. Sing on a walk. Play music while you make dinner. Dance before bed.
'Fill the skies with Music'.
References:
http://www.musicmonday.ca/about/the-5-ws/
http://vcm.bc.ca/benefits-of-music/
http://autismdigest.com/autism-and-music-a-parents-guide/
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/science-sushi/2012/08/21/even-a-few-years-of-music-training-benefits-the-brain/
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Introverts and Extroverts
Often the initial imagery you get upon hearing the words introverted or extroverted, are that introverts are shy and keep to themselves, and extroverts are friendly and outgoing and go along with anything.
Not that those things aren't true, but it's only a small part of what is really a very complex label.
I keep stumbling across posts online and books talking about the varied levels of what exactly introverts and extroverts are and it's been really eye opening in understanding the way Toby reacts to things and also understanding myself.
An Introvert can be shy, yes, but it has more to do with how you build energy for yourself to make it through the day. Introverts need time alone to think/read/watch tv/write/sleep in order to feel ready to go out into the world.
Extroverts on the other hand need to collect energy from those around them and when they are left alone tend to get agitated and moody. They need to be talking and working and interacting with people to keep up their motivation.
I've always said I was an introvert, which I still believe I am, but I'm also realizing I have many extroverted tendencies. I like discussing things out loud and often need to do this before making a decision. I talk with my hands. I like being with people and gain from the energy transfer that comes with a hug. I like going out and doing things and seeing new places.
But at the root of it all, I need my time alone. I'll often catch myself leaving the room suddenly while Toby's playing or watching tv. I like plying with Toby but suddenly I'll have a 'No, don't touch me' reaction. I feel like I need my time to just aimlessly scroll through the internet or watch a movie or read before I go to bed. I dread calling people on the phone. I feel exhausted after a day in town, even if we didn't do much.
I've also always said that Toby is an introvert, but am beginning to realize that i think I'm wrong. He certainly has very introverted tendencies; He does not meet people easily and it often takes him close to an hour before he's used to someone's presence. He is smart, but won't volunteer an answer to someone he doesn't really know he knows even if he full-well knows the answer.
But despite all of that, he displays more extroverted characteristics. In familiar company he talks non-stop. Non-Stop. He will follow you from one room to another just to be able to keep telling his story or see what you're doing. He has very little regard for personal space or privacy, from trying to sit on my lap while I'm on the toilet or hanging over the edge of the bath tub while I'm in there, talking the whole time. He has to be busy constantly. When people visit us here he usually has no problem telling them all about the garden, or the playground, or the stream, or his tractor...
And I've tried to let him have alone time to get him used to playing by himself, but usually after a few minutes I come back past the room and he's in a pout in the middle of the floor or he's thrown everything everywhere and says he doesn't want to do anything anymore.
He treads a fine line between needing human interaction and to be busy, to needing an hour long tv break and some alone time. He's this half and half mix that makes it really difficult to read him or predict what will happen.
It's hard being an opposite personality type to your kids. As an introvert, I tend to get frustrated when Toby wont just let me think in silence for a few minutes, or feels the need to treat me as a jungle gym especially when I'm doing yoga. And in turn I'm sure he doesn't understand why he needs to sleep in his own bed and not follow me into the bathroom and not talk when we're listening to other people tell a story.
I leave you with three links with a good summary of these personality types. They've made their way around a few times, but I always love seeing them.
Cartoon on Understanding Introverts
http://www.intellectualbubblegum.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/how_to_live_with_introverts_guide_printable_by_sveidt-d5b09fj.jpg
How to Care for Your Introvert
http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227500725/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for
How to Care for Your Extrovert
http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/27493250341/how-to-care-for-extroverts
Not that those things aren't true, but it's only a small part of what is really a very complex label.
I keep stumbling across posts online and books talking about the varied levels of what exactly introverts and extroverts are and it's been really eye opening in understanding the way Toby reacts to things and also understanding myself.
An Introvert can be shy, yes, but it has more to do with how you build energy for yourself to make it through the day. Introverts need time alone to think/read/watch tv/write/sleep in order to feel ready to go out into the world.
Extroverts on the other hand need to collect energy from those around them and when they are left alone tend to get agitated and moody. They need to be talking and working and interacting with people to keep up their motivation.
I've always said I was an introvert, which I still believe I am, but I'm also realizing I have many extroverted tendencies. I like discussing things out loud and often need to do this before making a decision. I talk with my hands. I like being with people and gain from the energy transfer that comes with a hug. I like going out and doing things and seeing new places.
But at the root of it all, I need my time alone. I'll often catch myself leaving the room suddenly while Toby's playing or watching tv. I like plying with Toby but suddenly I'll have a 'No, don't touch me' reaction. I feel like I need my time to just aimlessly scroll through the internet or watch a movie or read before I go to bed. I dread calling people on the phone. I feel exhausted after a day in town, even if we didn't do much.
I've also always said that Toby is an introvert, but am beginning to realize that i think I'm wrong. He certainly has very introverted tendencies; He does not meet people easily and it often takes him close to an hour before he's used to someone's presence. He is smart, but won't volunteer an answer to someone he doesn't really know he knows even if he full-well knows the answer.
But despite all of that, he displays more extroverted characteristics. In familiar company he talks non-stop. Non-Stop. He will follow you from one room to another just to be able to keep telling his story or see what you're doing. He has very little regard for personal space or privacy, from trying to sit on my lap while I'm on the toilet or hanging over the edge of the bath tub while I'm in there, talking the whole time. He has to be busy constantly. When people visit us here he usually has no problem telling them all about the garden, or the playground, or the stream, or his tractor...
And I've tried to let him have alone time to get him used to playing by himself, but usually after a few minutes I come back past the room and he's in a pout in the middle of the floor or he's thrown everything everywhere and says he doesn't want to do anything anymore.
He treads a fine line between needing human interaction and to be busy, to needing an hour long tv break and some alone time. He's this half and half mix that makes it really difficult to read him or predict what will happen.
It's hard being an opposite personality type to your kids. As an introvert, I tend to get frustrated when Toby wont just let me think in silence for a few minutes, or feels the need to treat me as a jungle gym especially when I'm doing yoga. And in turn I'm sure he doesn't understand why he needs to sleep in his own bed and not follow me into the bathroom and not talk when we're listening to other people tell a story.
I leave you with three links with a good summary of these personality types. They've made their way around a few times, but I always love seeing them.
Cartoon on Understanding Introverts
http://www.intellectualbubblegum.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/how_to_live_with_introverts_guide_printable_by_sveidt-d5b09fj.jpg
How to Care for Your Introvert
http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/17227500725/my-design-but-not-my-list-how-to-care-for
How to Care for Your Extrovert
http://questionablylate.tumblr.com/post/27493250341/how-to-care-for-extroverts
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