Being sick sucks.
Having a sick baby sucks.
Both those things together royally blow.
It was one thing when Toby was a baby and I could sit infront of the TV the whole day or lay in bed and he would sleep most of the time and I'd get some reading done or whatever... but now he's a toddler. No, he's more than a toddler, he's a tornado. He's the energizer bunny. He doesn't know how to not do anything.
So fine, I can follow him around and blow my nose and hack into my thermos of hot tea and just let him play... but then he got sick too.
It started with the whining. Lots of it. I couldn't put him down for more than a minute, I couldn't leave the room, he wanted to nurse constantly. Great... he's getting sick...
Then he sneezed.
This is usually a normal occurance. He sneezes a lot. Several times a day. Always. I blame dust in our house but who knows. The week before we had been raking leaves outside and stirring up who knows what all kinds of dirt and mold from the winter.
But no, this sneeze left him with a far-away stare and glassy eyes and a thick yellow stream of goo on his face... which he immediately used his hand to wipe away... which he then used his other hand to try and wipe off.
So now it's 5 days later and the noses are still running and the deep bronchial coughs have set it. I"m sick of being sick.
And evidentially so is Toby.
He doesn't like being told what to do at the best of times....
But now that he's sick and there's so many other things he cant do... like dont get his face so close to the rug please... or keep you mitts on outside please... or no we can't dig in the flower bed today, I dont want to make our coughs worse.......He's developed a loud frequent used of the word 'NO'.
I"ve never been one to shout 'no' at him. I try to talk him down from whereever it is his mood had gone. If it persists or if he's doing someting dangerous I'll shout 'no'... but it's not as though I've been demonstrating this habit to him.
I don't even remember when it started... day 2 of the cold? day 3? But I"m about ready to throw something out a window.
"Toby can you put your socks back on please I dont want your feet to ge-'
"NO. NO. NOT. PUT. YOUR. SOCKS. BACK. ON"
"You're feet are like ice Toby i don't want-"
"NO" *kicks/screams/bursts into tears*
"Have another drink of tea Toby it will help your-'
"Toby, honestly, if you don't stop kicking me I"m just going to turn the TV off and leave"
"NO. DONT. TURN. THE. TV. OFF. MOMMY."
"Don't yell at me Toby, I"m getting sick of it"
"NO. NOT. DONT. SAY. THAT. MOMMY"
"Alright see ya later *turn TV off and leave*"
"NOOOOOOO. NOOOOOO. TV BACK ON MOMMY."
"That's fine, but not until you calm down"
"TOBY. CALMED. DOWN. AL. RED. Y."
'Toby we DO NOT hit the cats. If he's sleeping just walk around him"
"NO. DONT. HIT. THE. CATS."
"if you're going to spout rules back at me then please follow them."
"NO *holds finger up* NO. NO."
"Just close your eyes and relax ok... you need a nap to feel better"
"NO. TOBY CANT CLOSE HIS EYES WHEN THE SUN IS UP"
"... who told you that... or is that new logic you've come up with?"
....A small insight to the last three days.
Then last night he woke up in the middle of the night and asked to nurse. I was dead asleep and not awake and needed a minute. I pushed him back over to his bed so I could roll over.
"NO. NO. MOMMY. NURSE.ING."
" I know Toby.. i heard you... give me a sec"
"NO. NOT. ONE. SEC." A coughing fit ensued.
"That's good. cough it up. Here let me blow your nose, you're plugged u-"
"NO. NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE. *more coughing and gagging*"
"Please do not yell at me in the middle of the night. I know you're sick and miserable, but I feel the same way and i'm getting REALLY sick of you screaming at me all the time when all I"m doing is trying to help you feel better."
He pouted and nursed for 5 seconds.
"Mommy nursing other side."
"uuuung...Toby this side is fine. I"m so tir-"
"NO. OTHER. SIDE."
"Dammit Toby it's the middle of the night just relax please"
"NO. NURSING OTHER SIDE"
"NO. OTHER SIDE"
"This IS the other side"
"NONONONONO OTHER SIDE"
I turned the light on.
"Look. Other side. Here. Nurse"
"NO. Nursing UP"
"That's the side you JUST had Toby, for pete's sake just go to sleep." I turned the light off and lay there with my shirt half off waiting for him to make up his mind. He settled for the 'down' side, cause i hadnt rolled over still. Then the nipple twisting started. I think I've complained about it before... his habit of wrapping my free nipple around his finger and pinching and digging his nails in, much the way a cat 'kneads' your leg when they're trying to get comfortable. I was pissed. I was not having any of it. I wrenched his hand off for the hundredth time that night. Toby screamed.
"NO. NO. NO."
"NO. NO, YOURSELF" I screamed "YOU DO NOT PINCH ME. YOU DO NOT YELL AT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. YOU DO NOT SCREAM 'NO' AT ME EVERY TIME I TRY TO HELP YOU"
Toby starts to cry, but quiets and keeps nursing. My throat now hurts again.
"mummy nursing up..."
He crawled to a sitting position and leans his head up on my chest to nurse. I"ve been trying to discourage this because it kills my back, but at this point i just want to go back to sleep. I hugged him and coughed a few times. I felt him pat my tummy.
"poor mummy" he whispered.
I heaved a huge sigh and hugged him. I sniffed a few times and grumbled to myself and took a huge raggedy breath. Toby whipped around to look at me.
"Mommy, don't cry." He's never said that to be before.
"Toby i'm just so frusterated becasue I want you to get better and I"m trying to help you but I dont know what else to do. I feel the same as you. I know you're plugged up and hurting, but i'm the same and I need sleep too. I'm just scared you're cough is getting worse and i just need you to let me help you. I don't like being yelled at all the time, it's not nice for me to listen to and it doesn't get you what you want anyways. So I need you to please calm down. I need sleep Toby"
It took another hour of tossing and turning and nose blowing and grumbling but we both finally fell back asleep.
He seemed fine when he woke up this morning... he told me he pooped... so i said I'd change him...
"NO. NOT. CHANGE. YOUR. DIAPER."*bursts into tears*
I need a week to sleep.
I don't know what else to do.
I can keep up what I'm doing if i know this will all stop in a few days, but I'm really hoping this is not a new personality development.
I don't want him to get pneumonia.
I just want to do our normal day-to-day stuff without getting screamed at.
I know he's moody because I am too. I know he's plugged up and frusterated.
I am too.
Hopefully things get a bit better after nap time....