Saturday, January 5, 2013

How to lose 5 Pounds Fast!!!

It's So Easy!!!

#1: Get yourself a big old head cold/flu! Preferably one that includes a fever (though none of that throwing up grossness). Frequent coughing fits, nose blowings and headaches are a must.

#2: Skip those sugary holiday treats!! (or avoid the parties all together since no one will want you there now anyway)

#3: 'Feel the Burn' - The fever burn, that is.

#4: Cardio workout - Simply coughing or rolling over in bed will send your fevered heart into a frenzy. Easiest workout ever, am I right??!!!!

#5: Dine only on thin broth and easily digestible foods like rice and soup noodles. Move it on through!!

#6: Have fun with it!! Create games for yourself like 'How many spoonfulls of soup can I eat before the steam makes my nose drip?' and 'How many breaths can I take before I have another coughing fit?'

#7: Continue to sleep a lot and not eat. Your body will thank you later!!!

Still don't believe me?? Check out these amazing results*!!!!!!!

*Some results may vary. Side effects may include headache, nausea, fatigue, inability to stand, frequent urination, sweating, whacked out menstrual cycle, no desire to be a parent, household kleenex shortage, misery, whining, delirium, burning sensation in nasal cavity, sensitivity to light, dislike for life, strong aversion to the smell of poop, strong desire to sleep in a hot basin of water. 

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