Grumpasaurus - Noun - a person, particularly under the age of 5, presenting foul and unruly behaviour over a period of time, emulating that of an enraged dinosaur.
The Grumpasaurus dwells in most households, though can usually go unnoticed for long periods of time bringing a sense of security and peace to it's prey.
Reasons for a Grumpasaurus to attack include, but are not limited to: Lack of sleep, lack of sustenance, wrong type of sustenance, sudden change in surrounding activity, opposition to opinion.
While is it still uncertain as to why the Grumpasaurus will choose to turn on it's caregivers at various intervals, it is possible to predict when an attack might occur.
Watch for signs of high activity followed by no activity. Listen for a sound mimicking that of a squeaky door or pterodactyl; the hunting cry of the Grumpasaurus. Leaving the immediate area of the Grumpasaurus is recommended at this time.
The Grumpasaurus will feed on whatever it can find, with a particular taste for jelly beans, potato chips, and chocolate. While the Grumpasaurus seems pacified by these food sources, the effect is temporary, and therefore it is recommended to hide any and all snack foods well above Grumpasaurus level. Again, be warned the sound of what seems to be a squeaky door. It may be the Grumpasaurus readying itself for battle.
If caught in the onslaught of a Grumpasaurus attack, sit very still so as not to draw attention to yourself. Occasionally, the Grumpasaurus will retreat of it's own accord if not provoked. Making any sudden movements or noise may startle the Grumpasaurus and target you for further attacks.
The Grumpasaurus resides primarily in high-traffic areas of the household. It has been known to exert dominance over any couch area, or other space that is threatened with being occupied by another person. Attempts to confine a Grumpasaurus to one room of the house may result in heightened rage and destruction of property within said room.
Remember, preparation is the best defense! Best of luck should you encounter a Grumpasaurus in your home.
To be fair, I'm 23 and still have my Grumpasaurus days. But overall an accurate description. This should be in a science textbook... about dinosaur science. I like Stegosaurus.
ReplyDeleteIt is important to note that the Grumpasaurus can be quite a chameleon - hiding its traits when out in public leading relatives and friends to believe that it is full of only sweetness and light, but then turning on the aforementioned caregivers as soon as they are alone. When two Grumpasauruses come together, the results can be disastrous for said caregivers.
ReplyDeleteLove it!
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