Hi there. I'm a 5 year old.
You know that food I've liked since the day I could eat and ask for all the time and can't get enough of? Yeah, well I don't like it anymore.
Also, I don't care how much cocoa powder you put in the smoothie, it only tastes good when sipped through a green straw.
I used to like helping you in the kitchen? Oh, well, I will I guess... If there are chocolate chips involved.
Contrary to your belief, NOBODY writes in lower case letters anymore, and the letter 'E' does indeed have six lines protruding from it. You just don't know anything.
That Hotwheels car I just got? I can't find it. I was only playing with it RIGHT HERE and NOWHERE ELSE, and now it's GONE. Oh...yeah that's it, I thought something felt funny under my leg.
Speaking of cars, we're going to make one today ok? I have plans right here. We just need some metal and wood and stuff from the attic. Maybe some string.
Go Outside???!! I don't care that I wanted to 5 minutes ago, THAT WAS BEFORE YOU PUT MY SOCKS ON THE WRONG FEET!
Go Inside???!!?? Frostbite is a myth, get your facts straight, mom.
I don't believe you when you say that I used to love washing my hands and playing in the sink. Sink water is like snake venom and soap is like acid and I will not use either, and I'm pretty sure you're just making up these 'germ' things you keep speaking of.
Yes, I'll absolutely turn the TV off after this next show... Oh wait, I meant this one... Awwww I forgot this was on today!...Ok ok for sure after this....one.....um.... can I have a snack?
OH YEAH, I have the FUNNIEST joke ever for you... ok, Knock knock (who's there) Lamp (Lamp who?) PFFFFTTT not LAAAAMP, I said SLAAAMMMMPPP. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok ok, here's another one...
I don't know why I went through a phase of only wearing button-up shirts. You shouldn't have let yourself get over-excited, because now I hate them, and I'm pretty sure this t-shirt looks way better than anything I own to wear to that wedding in the spring.
I CAN DO THINGS MYSELF. GO AWAY. DON'T HELP ME. I CAN'T DO THIS. I NEED HELP.
Yeah I like bedtime because I like books and cuddling, but some nights I'm pretty sure that my bed is a portal to the underworld and if I don't stay up for several more hours screaming that I'm not done playing yet, I'm going to get sucked into the evil vortex of sleep.
Yes I like bubble baths. No you may not wash my hair. Yes I enjoy repeatedly dumping this bucket of water on my head.
There's a thing crawling on the other side of the room and I can't go in that room at ALL until you go catch the horrible crawly thing, but please don't hurt him, he's so cute, can we name him and keep him in a jar as a pet?