Rights are rights. Love is love.

I just finished watching the livestream of the NY Senate voting on the Marriage Equality Act of 2011.

A lot of the Senators who chose to explain their votes said that this had been a 'difficult decision' and a 'struggle' to get through all of this.

And I find myself thinking.... why?
Why is it so difficult to just allow people to love.
Why is it so difficult to cast a vote giving people FREEDOM in a 'FREE' country.

And was this really not foreseen??

*ahem*
-Women become 'people' and get the right to vote, starting in New Zealand in 1893. Before that Women were 'seen and not heard'. Now look at where we are.
-The African-American Civil Rights movement starting with little old Rosa Parks on a bus in 1955 and leading to the passing of the Voting Rights Act in 1965 and the continued de-segregation of schools. Before this black people were enslaved and looked down upon solely for their skin colour.
- July 20 2005, Canada becomes the 4th country in the world and the first of the Americas to legalize gay marriage nationwide. Before this the LGBT community was treated as a sub-society group of people with very little rights afforded to them if they wanted to start a family. Only a few of the provinces had allowed same-sex marriage before this.

- June 24 2011 - NY senate vote passed to allow same-sex marriage, joining the states of Massachusetts, Iowa, Connecticut, New Hampshire, Vermont, plus Washington D.C.

...Isn't history just telling us over and over that we are all equal?

I am SO thankful to be living in a country like Canada where the people of the country are heard and get an opinion.
I am thankful that my son will grow up in a country of acceptance, tolerance, integration and love.
You know the way we feel when we look back on the right-fights of women and of African-Americans?...Like "How was that even possible? Why were they treated so differently?"...
I hope that Toby feels that way when he looks back on the continued fight for the rights on the LGBT community.... "How was that even possible? Why were they treated so differently?"...
I hope that Toby grows to learn to appreciate where we live and what our country stands for,
I hope that Toby learns to love and accept everyone, no matter who they are, what they believe, what they look like, or who the love.
I hope that, if Toby is gay, that he will have the continued freedom to love who he wants to love without judgement or question... and maybe by that time there will be far less anti-gay bullying... or maybe it will be gone altogether.

~A world where women get the vote?? Never.
~A world where Blacks are considered equals? Never.
~A world where gays can love openly? Never.

.....right?

...Rights

Brush Up

I have had THE hardest time trying to get Toby to brush his teeth...He has so many problems with them, I'm just so frusterated..

I always scoffed at the 'gum wipes' that they have for babies. My mom kept saying she didn't start brushing our teeth regularly til we were over a year. We started running a brush around Toby's mouth every few days and letting him hold it and chew a bit. Then we started doing it before naps and bed time to get used to doing it before sleep, and I let him 'brush' my teeth while I did his..

Then I started to notice his front teeth discolouring. I thought to myself that it was some food stuck in them a figured I'd get it out with the tooth brushing. Then I kept noticing it.
Then i tried scratching it off with my finger nail and realized that it was actually an indentation, not stuck-on food.

Then I panicked.

We have a naturopath-like dental hygienist and when I freaked out to her about Toby's teeth she said it didn't look all that bad and that things like that can happen with kids and that it seems like he has high acidity in his mouth (which I have) and so leftover food eats away faster.
She gave me a clay powder mix to put on his teeth and said to just keep and eye on it.

That was a year ago.

Now his teeth have grown and for every millimeter longer they get, there's now more room to decay.
They clay was working for a while... his teeth didn't look so stained and it didn't seem to be spreading. But little by little it seemed to get worse. There's no way to stop something like that, just slow it down I guess.
We started letting him brush his own teeth in a mirror as long as I got to finish.
That didn't work after a few nights.
So then I had to do a once-over and he was allowed to 'finish'.
But he just spends 15 minutes complaining about how he wants to do it and not me.
So then for a while it worked if Grampa brushed and Mommy put the clay on.
Then he started to reject the clay.
So then we stopped doing that daily and just tried getting him used to brushing.
But now his teeth hurt so much he fights will all he's got to not brush his teeth.
I've enlisted the help of songs and puppets.
Which worked for a week.
And now the novelty's worn off.

Tonight, what should have taken 30 seconds, took over 15 minutes.
He sits on his stool with  his head between his knees and just moans.
I asked him why he didn't like brushing his teeth.
He said it hurt.
I asked him to show me where it hurt.
He pointed to his throat.
I said that keeping his teeth clean would keep the germs from making his throat sore and that I hoped he wasn't getting sick.
He told me not to say that.
I asked if his mouth hurt.
He said it tickled.
I said if he just kept his mouth open and not tried to wiggle so much then the brush wouldn't keep catching on his mouth.
He put his head between his knees again and pretended not to hear me.

I've resorted to scraping plaque off his teeth with my thumbnail or a toothpick.

We're going to try to get an appointment for him again and he'll probably need major dental surgery.
I wanted to avoid that cause these teeth are going to fall out anyway, but if they rot out then his adult teeth will be messed up, and if he's in pain, the next two years are only going to get worse.

*le sigh*

*end rant*
*bed time*

Midnight Musings

While scrolling down my facebook news feed I came across this quote:

"Just because you have kids shouldn't mean you have to give up the party lifestyle. It should mean you WANT to."

I just stopped scrolling and stared for several minutes at it.
Lately I've been having a lot of trouble with almost exactly that.

It's not like I ever really lead a partying lifestyle...I went out in college but it certainly wasn't every week. But I LIKED it. I liked going and just dancing like a fool in a room of hundreds of people and just not caring at all. I liked going to a friends house on a whim and not waiting to make sure I could fit it into my schedule.

I feel like I wasn't quite 'over' that stage when I had Toby.
I wanted to embrace motherhood with open arms and feel the excitement everyone talked about. I didn't. I really really wanted to.
And now I just feel like a teenager still; living in my parent's house, single again, not working regularly..

There is a fine line between knowing you HAVE to stay home to WANTING to stay home.

I want to not want that life back. But I guess it's the last time I was truly happy with myself. And so maybe subconciously I just want to feel that confident again.
Toby makes me happy and all, but there's a huge empty void in my life that keeps creeping in on me.
Do I need a relationship? Do I really want one or am I just believing that? Is it better to just be happy that things are quiet right now?
I feel like in order to stop wishing I could go out at night, I need to have company here in the evening. I feel like I"m missing out on 'real' family time.
But rushing in to that, or wanting that constantly, isn't good either.

Babbling late at night makes me sleepy...

I tell Toby I love him like 50 times a day. I'm sure he's sick of hearing it because he's started going "No mommy DOESN'T love Toby" and then laughing and running away.
And part of me just wants to love him like this forever and part of me can't wait until he's old enough for school so I can have some sort of a life back.

I"m sure this is a normal mom thing?? maybe??

Maybe I just need to go to bed and stop thinking..lol...