Today I was sent this online article
Mayim Bialik is an actress who is currently on the TV series The Big Bang Theory and once upon a time on the TV show Blossom.
She has a 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year old and she practices attachment parenting (AP).
I LOVED this article. Despite her busy schedule, she and her husband still bed share with their kids and her 2 year old still breastfeeds on demand.
Going through the same sort of thing, I felt so relieved to read that 'hollywood' types are speaking out for this natural type of parenting.
..but oh the comments....
There are 11 pages of comments following this article.
I scanned through a few and some of them seemed to be forming a debate about what was 'too much' parenting verses what was abuse and abandonment....
I scanned past it all, not wanting to get involved, and left a note saying that I had a son the same age who still needed to nurse to go to sleep and how encouraging it was to see that there were people out there doing the same thing. I said I loved Big Bang Theory and that she seemed to be doing a truly wonderful job in all aspects of her life.
I checked back a few hours later and this was the comment directly below mine :
"Breast feeding a child at 2 1/2 is just insane. They should be drinking from a cup. They have teeth so I assume they bite your Nipples? Your son can't sleep without breast feeding becuase you did not ween him off after one year. Is it a nutritional thing that you breast feed until almost 3 or is it that you can't let go of your child. Also at 2 1/2 they should not need a bottle either. Put the breast milk in a cup."
I don't even know what to say. I am shaking with rage and frusteration right now.
I want so badly to comment back, but anything I say will just generate more negativity about what a 'wrong' job I"m doing. I feel like I've become so jaded to the 'real' world by surrounding myself with like-minded people. Like i forgot that these anti-attachment people exist. And then I feel like a snob for pitying them because CLEARLY they're not doing as good a job with their kids.....
I read back a few pages and this person seemed to lash out at a lot of other people, but then also defend some with "So-and-so is allowed to share their own opinions and views!!""
Um yes.. so why are you attacking every Attached Parent who comments on AN ATTACHMENT PARENTING BLOG??
I already feel SO frusterated with Toby's sleep habits and CONSTANTLY feel like I've done the wrong thing by letting him nurse to sleep. But the alternative is watching him scream til he's blue and neither of us sleeping. SO what is better? Me being frustrated and having no social life, but having a sleeping baby? Or nobody in the house getting any sleep and having bad moods spill out into daily life?
My mom is what I call 'over-supportive'. She supports breastfeeding and supports co-sleeping, but when Toby was smaller and i toyed with wanting him to cry-it-out, she worked herself up into such a tizzy about it that I felt guilty for annoying everyone that i just continued to nurse him to keep everyone calm. She keeps insisting that she did the same thing with me and I weaned myself off by age 3 and WANTED my own room at age 4.
But she's also made quiet comments about how he does seem more clingy that I was.
I want to believe that everything I've chosen to do will create a confident, loving, sensitive, creative child and not the class cry-baby or the kid who screams his way to the bus stop every morning. But sometimes I just dont know.
I look at how far he's come in the last year alone and I gain a bit of hope for changes to come, but because I cant see past the Now I start to panic again.
I feel like if i was living in my own house with a partner then everything would be different.
But maybe it would be worse. Maybe there would be more crying, more fighting.... or maybe there would be more sleep.
Bottom line: I can't stand people who chirp about issues for the purpose of creating conflict. This is why I keep to myself. This is why AP gets pushed into society's oblivion - because the people who do it aren't the ones doing the yelling, we're the ones sitting on the side lines with a healthy snack and a box of baind-aids for when the bullies finally clear out.
I caved and this is what i wrote back... we'll see what happens.. i dont have high hopes.
"Yes, my two-year old has teeth, as does a 6-9 month old who cuts their first tooth. Nursing does not involve teeth, so no, I do not get bitten.