Brush Up

I have had THE hardest time trying to get Toby to brush his teeth...He has so many problems with them, I'm just so frusterated..

I always scoffed at the 'gum wipes' that they have for babies. My mom kept saying she didn't start brushing our teeth regularly til we were over a year. We started running a brush around Toby's mouth every few days and letting him hold it and chew a bit. Then we started doing it before naps and bed time to get used to doing it before sleep, and I let him 'brush' my teeth while I did his..

Then I started to notice his front teeth discolouring. I thought to myself that it was some food stuck in them a figured I'd get it out with the tooth brushing. Then I kept noticing it.
Then i tried scratching it off with my finger nail and realized that it was actually an indentation, not stuck-on food.

Then I panicked.

We have a naturopath-like dental hygienist and when I freaked out to her about Toby's teeth she said it didn't look all that bad and that things like that can happen with kids and that it seems like he has high acidity in his mouth (which I have) and so leftover food eats away faster.
She gave me a clay powder mix to put on his teeth and said to just keep and eye on it.

That was a year ago.

Now his teeth have grown and for every millimeter longer they get, there's now more room to decay.
They clay was working for a while... his teeth didn't look so stained and it didn't seem to be spreading. But little by little it seemed to get worse. There's no way to stop something like that, just slow it down I guess.
We started letting him brush his own teeth in a mirror as long as I got to finish.
That didn't work after a few nights.
So then I had to do a once-over and he was allowed to 'finish'.
But he just spends 15 minutes complaining about how he wants to do it and not me.
So then for a while it worked if Grampa brushed and Mommy put the clay on.
Then he started to reject the clay.
So then we stopped doing that daily and just tried getting him used to brushing.
But now his teeth hurt so much he fights will all he's got to not brush his teeth.
I've enlisted the help of songs and puppets.
Which worked for a week.
And now the novelty's worn off.

Tonight, what should have taken 30 seconds, took over 15 minutes.
He sits on his stool with  his head between his knees and just moans.
I asked him why he didn't like brushing his teeth.
He said it hurt.
I asked him to show me where it hurt.
He pointed to his throat.
I said that keeping his teeth clean would keep the germs from making his throat sore and that I hoped he wasn't getting sick.
He told me not to say that.
I asked if his mouth hurt.
He said it tickled.
I said if he just kept his mouth open and not tried to wiggle so much then the brush wouldn't keep catching on his mouth.
He put his head between his knees again and pretended not to hear me.

I've resorted to scraping plaque off his teeth with my thumbnail or a toothpick.

We're going to try to get an appointment for him again and he'll probably need major dental surgery.
I wanted to avoid that cause these teeth are going to fall out anyway, but if they rot out then his adult teeth will be messed up, and if he's in pain, the next two years are only going to get worse.

*le sigh*

*end rant*
*bed time*

Midnight Musings

While scrolling down my facebook news feed I came across this quote:

"Just because you have kids shouldn't mean you have to give up the party lifestyle. It should mean you WANT to."

I just stopped scrolling and stared for several minutes at it.
Lately I've been having a lot of trouble with almost exactly that.

It's not like I ever really lead a partying lifestyle...I went out in college but it certainly wasn't every week. But I LIKED it. I liked going and just dancing like a fool in a room of hundreds of people and just not caring at all. I liked going to a friends house on a whim and not waiting to make sure I could fit it into my schedule.

I feel like I wasn't quite 'over' that stage when I had Toby.
I wanted to embrace motherhood with open arms and feel the excitement everyone talked about. I didn't. I really really wanted to.
And now I just feel like a teenager still; living in my parent's house, single again, not working regularly..

There is a fine line between knowing you HAVE to stay home to WANTING to stay home.

I want to not want that life back. But I guess it's the last time I was truly happy with myself. And so maybe subconciously I just want to feel that confident again.
Toby makes me happy and all, but there's a huge empty void in my life that keeps creeping in on me.
Do I need a relationship? Do I really want one or am I just believing that? Is it better to just be happy that things are quiet right now?
I feel like in order to stop wishing I could go out at night, I need to have company here in the evening. I feel like I"m missing out on 'real' family time.
But rushing in to that, or wanting that constantly, isn't good either.

Babbling late at night makes me sleepy...

I tell Toby I love him like 50 times a day. I'm sure he's sick of hearing it because he's started going "No mommy DOESN'T love Toby" and then laughing and running away.
And part of me just wants to love him like this forever and part of me can't wait until he's old enough for school so I can have some sort of a life back.

I"m sure this is a normal mom thing?? maybe??

Maybe I just need to go to bed and stop thinking..lol...

Tractors, Trees and Thunderstorms

Boys must be born with an obsession for tractors and other heavy machinery.

My sister and I were raised in this same house with my farmer grandparents as neighbours. We have a huge vegetable garden and two tractors - a riding lawnmower, and a big one for blowing snow in the winter.

My sister and I both grew up watching Opa use the tractors and plant and harvest the garden year after year, but we never showed much interest. I had a small patch of garden that i grew radishes and flowers in when i was smaller, but it only lasted a few years. I think i wanted to mow the lawn once, but after running over a pine sapling i was too afraid to do it again.

But ever since Toby knew what a tractor was he's had this complete fixation with anything large and motorized.
He spent his whole 'one-year-old winter' watching Opa blow snow out of the driveway making BBBRRRRMMMMM sounds with his lips ad infinitum.

When the snow melted and Opa was cleaning out the flower beds infront of our house I thought it would be a laugh to seat Toby up on the tractor seat.

March 2010

Little did I know that this allowance would be a never ending game of  "Opa tacto?? Toby up-y"

May 2010

 June 2010

 Aug 2010 - not our tractor. Visiting a farm and trying to commandeer their farm equipment.

September 2010 - Finally deemed 'big enough' to ride in the trailer

October 2010 - Finally allowed to sit on the big tractor

 October 2010 - chillin with Chaos while Opa pulls potatoes

He can hear a tractor starting a mile away. He lives for harvesting season when we can drive down to road and see at least two combines on the way to town. He has a million tractor themed toys and books.

I can keep  him entertained by finding videos of tractors driving on youtube.

This one he watches over...and over... and over... exclaiming WOOOOOOOOOW Look at THAT! over and over

There are surprisingly more videos than one would have expected. Our 'TV time' consists mostly of either home movies of himself playing outside or tractor videos on the computer.

And to top that off, he loves digging in the garden and my Opa has been letting him help plant and pick things. 

We all think Toby's going to be a farmer or a heavy equipment operator.

Two years ago we started a tree farm. The three fields bordering our house are now filled with red pine, white pine, red oak and black walnut saplings. It's a constant source of entertainment for Toby to watch Opa mowing the grass up and down the rows of trees.
This spring we're replanting ones that have died or been mouse-eaten.
Toby is actually big enough to walk from one end of the field to the other, and so each time Opa disapears over the hill with the tractor, we follow him out with a shovel in tow so Toby can 'help' him.

Today 'help' consisted of baby-sitting the tractor, which he can now climb up all by himself.

                                          


But then he decided that digging would be a good idea, and so Opa put him to work. He actually did a really good job.

Thunderclouds moved in and it started to rain, but Toby  has never minded the rain and will in fact burst into a fit if i suggest that going out in the rain is maybe not a good idea when it's still cold weather. Needless to say, it took a long time and a lot of moping and whining to get him to walk back to the house with me. Even then it took an other half hour of playing in the sandbox, riding on the swing and tormenting the cats to finally get him to admit that it was lunch time and being out in a thunderstorm wasn't the best idea.

I just think that it's funny how different he is compared to my sister and I. He is truly his own person, and I find it fascinating that people growing up in virtually the same environment find interest in completely opposite things. Does it have to do with the fact he's a boy? Is it a genetic fascination from the other side of the family? What made farming such a highlight for him instead of, say, sports?
I realize he's not even three, and here I am analyzing his personality...

Anyways, I'm sure there are more changes to come from this fascinating little kid.... I guess I"ll just have to keep our video camera rolling.

Being sick sucks.
Having a sick baby sucks.
Both those things together royally blow.

It was one thing when Toby was a baby and I could sit infront of the TV the whole day or lay in bed and he would sleep most of the time and I'd get some reading done or whatever... but now he's a toddler. No, he's more than a toddler, he's a tornado. He's the energizer bunny. He doesn't know how to not do anything.
So fine, I can follow him around and blow my nose and hack into my thermos of hot tea and just let him play... but then he got sick too.
It started with the whining. Lots of it. I couldn't put him down for more than a minute, I couldn't leave the room, he wanted to nurse constantly. Great... he's getting sick...
Then he sneezed.
This is usually a normal occurance. He sneezes a lot. Several times a day. Always. I blame dust in our house but who knows. The week before we had been raking leaves outside and stirring up who knows what all kinds of dirt and mold from the winter.
But no, this sneeze left him with a far-away stare and glassy eyes and a thick yellow stream of goo on his face... which he immediately used his hand to wipe away... which he then used his other hand to try and wipe off.
So now it's 5 days later and the noses are still running and the deep bronchial coughs have set it. I"m sick of being sick.
And evidentially so is Toby.
He doesn't like being told what to do at the best of times....
But now that he's sick and there's so many other things he cant do... like dont get his face so close to the rug please... or keep you mitts on outside please... or no we can't dig in the flower bed today, I dont want to make our coughs worse.......He's developed a loud frequent used of the word 'NO'.

I"ve never been one to shout 'no' at him. I try to talk him down from whereever it is his mood had gone. If it persists or if he's doing someting dangerous I'll shout 'no'... but it's not as though I've been demonstrating this habit to him.

I don't even remember when it started... day 2 of the cold? day 3? But I"m about ready to throw something out a window.

"Toby can you put your socks back on please I dont want your feet to ge-'
"NO. NO. NOT. PUT. YOUR. SOCKS. BACK. ON"
"You're feet are like ice Toby i don't want-"
"NO" *kicks/screams/bursts into tears*

-----

"Have another drink of tea Toby it will help your-'
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

------

"Toby, honestly, if you don't stop kicking me I"m just going to turn the TV off and leave"
"NO. DONT. TURN. THE. TV. OFF. MOMMY."
"Don't yell at me Toby, I"m getting sick of it"
"NO. NOT. DONT. SAY. THAT. MOMMY"
"Alright see ya later *turn TV off and leave*"
"NOOOOOOO. NOOOOOO. TV BACK ON MOMMY."
"That's fine, but not until you calm down"
"TOBY. CALMED. DOWN. AL. RED. Y."
"yeah... ok..."

-----

'Toby we DO NOT hit the cats. If he's sleeping just walk around him"
"NO. DONT. HIT. THE. CATS."
"if you're going to spout rules back at me then please follow them."
"NO *holds finger up* NO. NO."

---

"Just close your eyes and relax ok... you need a nap to feel better"
"NO. TOBY CANT CLOSE HIS EYES WHEN THE SUN IS UP"
"... who told you that... or is that new logic you've come up with?"
"NO"
"i see..."

-----

....A small insight to the last three days.
Then last night he woke up in the middle of the night and asked to nurse. I was dead asleep and not awake and needed a minute. I pushed him back over to his bed so I could roll over.
"NO. NO. MOMMY. NURSE.ING."
" I know Toby.. i heard you... give me a sec"
"NO. NOT. ONE. SEC." A coughing fit ensued.
"That's good. cough it up. Here let me blow your nose, you're plugged u-"
"NO. NOT BLOW YOUR NOSE. *more coughing and gagging*"
"Please do not yell at me in the middle of the night. I know you're sick and miserable, but I feel the same way and i'm getting REALLY sick of you screaming at me all the time when all I"m doing is trying to help you feel better."

He pouted and nursed for 5 seconds.

"Mommy nursing other side."
"uuuung...Toby this side is fine. I"m so tir-"
"NO. OTHER. SIDE."
"calm down"
"NO"
"Dammit Toby it's the middle of the night just relax please"
"NO. NURSING OTHER SIDE"
"HERE"
"NO. OTHER SIDE"
"This IS the other side"
"NONONONONO OTHER SIDE"

I turned the light on.
"Look. Other side. Here. Nurse"
"NO. Nursing UP"
"That's the side you JUST had Toby, for pete's sake just go to sleep." I turned the light off and lay there with my shirt half off waiting for him to make up his mind. He settled for the 'down' side, cause i hadnt rolled over still. Then the nipple twisting started. I think I've complained about it before... his habit of wrapping my free nipple around his finger and pinching and digging his nails in, much the way a cat 'kneads' your leg when they're trying to get comfortable. I was pissed. I was not having any of it. I wrenched his hand off for the hundredth time that night. Toby screamed.
"NO. NO. NO."
"NO. NO, YOURSELF" I screamed "YOU DO NOT PINCH ME. YOU DO NOT YELL AT ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. YOU DO NOT SCREAM 'NO' AT ME EVERY TIME I TRY TO HELP YOU"
Toby starts to cry, but quiets and keeps nursing. My throat now hurts again.
"mummy nursing up..."
"whatever Toby."

He crawled to a sitting position and leans his head up on my chest to nurse. I"ve been trying to discourage this because it kills my back, but at this point i just want to go back to sleep. I hugged him and coughed a few times. I felt him pat my tummy.
"poor mummy" he whispered.
I heaved a huge sigh and hugged him. I sniffed a few times and grumbled to myself and took a huge raggedy breath. Toby whipped around to look at me.
"Mommy, don't cry." He's never said that to be before.
"Toby i'm just so frusterated becasue I want you to get better and I"m trying to help you but I dont know what else to do. I feel the same as you. I know you're plugged up and hurting, but i'm the same and I need sleep too. I'm just scared you're cough is getting worse and i just need you to let me help you. I don't like being yelled at all the time, it's not nice for me to listen to and it doesn't get you what you want anyways. So I need you to please calm down. I need sleep Toby"

It took another hour of tossing and turning and nose blowing and grumbling but we both finally fell back asleep.

He seemed fine when he woke up this morning... he told me he pooped... so i said I'd change him...
"NO. NOT. CHANGE. YOUR. DIAPER."*bursts into tears*

I need a week to sleep.
I don't know what else to do.
I can keep up what I'm doing if i know this will all stop in a few days, but I'm really hoping this is not a new personality development.
I don't want him to get pneumonia.
I just want to do our normal day-to-day stuff without getting screamed at.
I know he's moody because I am too. I know he's plugged up and frusterated.
I am too.
Hopefully things get a bit better after nap time....

Not So Dirty

If your mind is as firmly planted in the gutter as mine has been known to be, then you've possibly come across the same phenomenon as I have.

There are many phrases that we use on a daily basis that, at one time, would have sent me into a raging fit of suppressed giggles, but am now forced to remain composed due to context.

Having kids changes everything.

And so, here is my list of 

Things That Sound Dirty That Really Aren't Anymore.

Animal in bed = ‘Monkey’ jumping on it.

I don’t think it will fit = Triangles don’t go in the square hole of the shape sorter

Too big for your mouth = Let’s cut food into smaller bits

I’m going to ride you = Asking for piggyback or talking to toy horse

Banging on the floor = Wielding a toy hammer

Get on your back = Time for diaper change

I”ve never seen one so big! = Commenting on a rock found in the driveway

I’m going to eat you = The tickle monster is hungry for elbows

Yay, you got it in the hole! = Celebratory phrase of improved hand/eye co-ordination

Nice balls = Commenting on the colour/pattern of plastic toys

Be gentle with the balls = Please don’t throw things in the house

I’m all wet = Spilled water… again

You’re so dirty = Time for a bath

Writer's Block

I've been working on my book.
Instead of sewing. Which is bad lol.
But I'm getting sucked into my little writer's bubble again.

I've written the end finally.
For the longest time I wasn't sure where I was heading with it but i've re read it twice and done a lot of thinking and I think I see the 'point' of it now.

So now the problem is, I spent a year not working on this and so there's a year of events that aren't fresh in my mind. For a long time I was writing in 'real time'. Up until Toby's first birthday. Then I made some notes of things that i needed to include but didnt know how to form the thoughts yet. And now I"m reading over my notes going... huh??

I feel like I have writer's block, but im not really short of things to write about. It's about my own life for goodness sakes, I can't run out of material.
Maybe I just have too much to say and I"m afraid that if i focus on one thought I"ll lose the others.
Maybe I just don't really know how to connect it all.
Im also afraid that in  my determination to finish this book that I'll skim over parts that need more detail. I also don't want to be working on this for another three years.
And then i get discouraged because I kn ow getting things published is hard to do. But I dont know if I want to go as far as self-publishing... It feels like cheating I guess. I dunno.

I've had a  change of emotional stature in the last month or so. Luke is at school finishing his apprenticeship and we havn't actually seen him in over a month and rarely spoken.
And I've been saying for quite a while that this is what I need. To just get away.
I've become numb to the whole thing, but not in a bad way.
I've decided I just don't care. I've decided I like not feeling anything towards the situation.
I like having my weekends back.
I like having Toby to myself.
....Although feeling numb doesn't make for very good writing lol.
And blogging about it doesnt help the fact that i need to be doing 'real' writing lol.

In other news: the snow is wet, the sky is grey, our house has lost most of the skunk smell but it's still lingering, maple syrup season is starting, I saw a red-winged black bird today... the poor dear looked terribly confused at the weather, More gift bags at Ecocentric, 'Sleep pillows' on the way there too, makin sushi tomorrow, clocks spring ahead sunday morning, going to Glee Live in TO June 11, making plans to go see a zillion plays in Stratford.

Sick-time food

We've been really fortunate here to not be sick all winter. Save for a few days on stomach flu before Christmas, we've managed to avoid the colds and fevers going around.
Every time Toby or I show even the slightest signs of getting a cold I make a bunch of high vitamin, high anti-oxidant foods to boost the immune system.
Granted, Toby is a kid who will eat a wide variety of foods, and not all of these are suitable for kids under 18 months, but you can pull from these ideas what you will...

Garlic Soup.

One tub of homemade chicken stock
8 cloves of garlic, sliced
1 Tbsp dried oregano

For my chicken stock I cover chicken bones with water in a deep pot and add carrots, celery, several cloves of garlic, a bay leaf, rosemary, oregano and a touch of salt. Boil for a couple hours uncovered. The water will evaporate and the nutrients in the stock become concentrated. Ladle contents in to a sieve held over a large bowl or measuring cup. Cool to room temperature and refrigerate over night. Carefully spoon excess fat off that will have congealed on the top, stir the remaining juices, and then I pour into washed margarine containers for freezing.

For the soup, I pop out the frozen puck of chicken stock with about an inch of water into a pot and add the sliced garlic and oregano. Bring to boil. I serve it in a mug with a straw and we make a game out of drinking the broth to find the garlic chunks at the bottom and then fish them out with a spoon to eat (Toby's favourite part)

Benefits
-The broken down chicken contains amino acids that loosen congestion. Also it's a good way to get proteins back in your system during stomach flu.
-Garlic is an antioxidant and aids in circulation and keeping low blood pressure. It's used as an all-round immune and health booster in many herbal remedies.
-Oregano has anti-viral and antibacterial properties and improved respiratory health.


Garlic Ginger Tea

4 cloves of garlic, sliced
2 slices of fresh ginger

Pour two cups of boiling water over garlic and ginger and let steep.
It may sound like an odd tea, but it actual has a very mild soothing flavour!

Benefits
-Again, garlic is an antioxidant and will help clear your body of 'bugs' and boost your immune system.
- Ginger sooths the digestive tract and can help ease nausea. It has anti inflammatory properties so it can ease pain and reduce cold and flu symptoms.

Chamomile and peppermint teas (as long as they are true herbal teas and not flavoured tea leaves) also are very soothing and ease headaches and promote rest.



Salmon Avocado Salad


1 can solid sockeye salmon
1 small ripe avocado
1 Tbsp Nayonaise (or regular Mayo) (optional)
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 sheet of sushi nori (seaweed), crumbled
black pepper

This stemmed from Toby asking for sushi (even tho we'd just ate a bunch the night before) but i was out of rice so i gave him some nori to munch on while I made a salmon salad for lunch, and this yumminess was born.
Drain canned salmon and mash together with avocado in a bowl. Add mayo if desired - it makes a creamier texture, but if your avocado is really ripe and creamy you may choose not to use it. Add oregano, black pepper to taste and crumble the nori into the bowl. Mix well.
I served it with rice cakes, and Toby like sunflower seed butter on his.

Benefits
-Salmon contains Omega-3 Fatty acids, loads of vitamins, and calcium - especially from the calcified bones that appear in canned salmon.
- Avocado is packed with vitamins as well, and the high fat content of the fruit means you feel fuller on healthier food and are less likely to snack on other not-so-good foods (which is good when you have a cold!)
- Oregano, again, had anti-viral and antibacterial properties
-Nori, seaweed contains Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Potassium, Magnesium and Riboflavin
- Black pepper can diminish the amount of gas in the intestinal system and reduce bloating

This one wouldn't be good food for stomach flu, but to ward off the common cold it's great!


Even just throwing garlic and oregano in everything you make (rice, potatoes, stir-fry) is better than nothing!

Get well soon!!

Salmon Avocado Salad

The dip-and-scoop

The taste test

Yumm!!